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You Asked: I'm Textually Frustrated

You Asked: I'm Textually Frustrated

Dear Sugar--

I have been texting this guy who accidentally texted me (he typed the wrong number in) and we have become really close - via text. We have sent each other pictures and text messages daily/nightly for about 4 weeks.

We seem to have a lot in common and I really enjoy texting with him. The problem is - I don't think this is going anywhere. He has made no attempt to meet me in person nor any comments that would suggest he intends to. I am worried that this will remain just a nightly occurrence and I am not sure I want to keep it going if nothing will come of it.

Should I just wait it out or is this an unhealthy fixation with a random
texter? Please advise!

--Texting and Confused Tina

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Texting and Confused Tina--

Honestly, this sounds so romantic (only in 2007 could one find love through text messaging!). I'm a firm believer in making love connections in unique situations, so if you are interested in this guy, I suggest you make it happen. He may be holding off from making plans to meet for fear that you may think it's weird or too forward (he probably doesn't want to seem like an insane stalker or get turned down).

Perhaps you can take it to another level and exchange email addresses. It'll be easier to type longer messages so you can ask more questions and get to know him better. Find out where he lives, how old he is, what he does for a living, and the big question - is he in a relationship. He could be finding safety behind his keyboard because he is involved with someone else. If everything checks out, you could ask if he wants to meet at a local bar or restaurant for a drink. Bring a friend and tell him to bring one too so it's more casual and comfortable (and less like a blind date) not to mention safer since you really don't know this guy.

On the other hand, if you feel in your gut that something is up since he hasn't made the effort to connect in person, then I'd stop the whole texting thing cold turkey. In this day and age, there are plenty of creeps out there, so do what you need to do to make yourself feel safe and protected. I hope this helps and good luck!

Source

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Join The Conversation
nessabum nessabum 8 years
i agree with Dear--it does sound romantic. and do take it to the next level, even just to see. you never know.
maplesyrup maplesyrup 8 years
Have you asked him to meet up with u? Maybe you should suggest meeting and then go from there.
inadee inadee 8 years
I met my husband online so I know there is a lot of things you can do to build up this relationship a bit more before deciding if you want to meet.First of all, discuss one or the other of you actually phoning up and talking a few times. Try emailing as well as that is a more natural way of communicating via text-ie you don't have message size limits and a dinky keyboard to deal with.Be honest about yourself and ask questions about him. If there are any dealbreaker type details you'd like to know about (ie smoking, drug use, political views, morals) you should ask.If during any of this time, you start to feel like this guy is kind of shady, don't ignore those feelings. If after all this, you feel like the relationship has a lot of potential, then talk about meeting somewhere public and spending a few hours together if possible.good luck!
inadee inadee 8 years
I met my husband online so I know there is a lot of things you can do to build up this relationship a bit more before deciding if you want to meet. First of all, discuss one or the other of you actually phoning up and talking a few times. Try emailing as well as that is a more natural way of communicating via text-ie you don't have message size limits and a dinky keyboard to deal with. Be honest about yourself and ask questions about him. If there are any dealbreaker type details you'd like to know about (ie smoking, drug use, political views, morals) you should ask. If during any of this time, you start to feel like this guy is kind of shady, don't ignore those feelings. If after all this, you feel like the relationship has a lot of potential, then talk about meeting somewhere public and spending a few hours together if possible. good luck!
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
I think there is a reason why he is not initiating a face-to-face contact. Though, guys are lazy.Do you know he is single? He could be married, or have a girlfriend. A text message is very easy to delete or hide, a phone conversation when your wife is in the next room is not.Ask him for a coffee somewhere, and make sure you establish the ground rules of "are you single?" before you even turn up.Good luck!
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
I think there is a reason why he is not initiating a face-to-face contact. Though, guys are lazy. Do you know he is single? He could be married, or have a girlfriend. A text message is very easy to delete or hide, a phone conversation when your wife is in the next room is not. Ask him for a coffee somewhere, and make sure you establish the ground rules of "are you single?" before you even turn up. Good luck!
astralart astralart 8 years
Just recently these past couple weeks I have made rule to not allow texting. I believe it's just bad etiquette if someone only communicates via text, IM, or email. If you want to make plans, call me, I don't care for a long drawn out conversation. I just believe that if you are not a 'weirdo' from the virtual world you will get it and want to communicate via real life and not on some virtual front.
rubialala rubialala 8 years
I LOVE Side Order of Life and it is similar to this. It's sweet.
Jeng112 Jeng112 8 years
Just like in chat rooms, yyou really don't know who you are talking to. Text messaging gives you the power to edit yourself, and not be held accountable. Be upfront, ask if he wants to do something other than texting, and the whole public, well-lit, place with friends sounds good. Don't be fooled into thinking you know this person, he's a stranger, and therefore, you shouldn't feel bad about getting rid of him if you want to.
leilanidream leilanidream 8 years
CALL HIM AND SEE lol u have the number :P
leilanidream leilanidream 8 years
CALL HIM AND SEE lol u have the number :P
prplegem21 prplegem21 8 years
well people fall in love so many different ways
hunnybunny hunnybunny 8 years
maybe this guy already knows u and got ur number off some1 and used the wrong number excuse so he doesnt seem creepy.. i dont know i wouldnt trust this guy. he sent u pics and stuff but doesnt want to meet just seems weird to me...
DarkRayne DarkRayne 8 years
This isn't much different than if a random guy IMs you on aol or something. Just a different device, same exact thing.
cclala cclala 8 years
it is the premise...it just happened on side order of life. i can't believe i just admitted to watching that show.time to hide.
cclala cclala 8 years
it is the premise...it just happened on side order of life. i can't believe i just admitted to watching that show. time to hide.
NyingNying NyingNying 8 years
I'm sorry, I offer no real advice.. but that is just very very cute.. sounds like a premise for a Lifetime movie.. cute cute.
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