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You Asked: Long Distance Is Hard!

Dear Sugar,
I feel like just when I have finally found a strong and stable relationship, it's all about to crumble. My boyfriend and I have been dating for six months, none of which have been easy. Since the beginning, we've been carrying on a long distance relationship and I've been driving 300 miles almost every other weekend to see him. Here is the problem: I recently started a new job which is closer to him, but still three hours away. I work almost seven days a week and my hours differ.

My boyfriend has gotten used to the situation from before and doesn't like the change. He says he understands that it's not that I don't want to see him, it's that I can't. With that said, he still constantly pesters me about visiting him when I just can't do it! I adore him, he's my rock right now, but I just have a bad feeling about this. How do I nicely tell him that he's bothering me without hurting his feelings? I don't want to lose him but I need him to be understanding and supportive. — Frustrated Franny

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Frustrated Franny,

Long distance relationships are very hard, there's no doubt about it, but if you're both willing to put forth the effort it takes, you can make it work, however I'm seeing a few red flags here. It seems like you're the only one that's putting forth that effort to see one another. Why is that? Is your boyfriend working the same long hours as you are? If not, it would be nice if he would drive to you every once in a while. Also, you've said it's been hard from the get go and you have a bad feeling. I'm a firm believer in trusting your intuition, so please don't ignore what your body is trying to tell you. Relationships are all about compromise and give and take, so if he's not pulling his weight, your one sided relationship is going to suffer.

Be honest with your boyfriend. Let him know that if you had it your way, you'd see him every day, but since your job is requiring you to work such long hours, it's just not possible right now. Yes, you might hurt his feelings, but he needs to know that his pestering is only making the distance harder. At the end of the day Franny, he's going to have to do his part in order to make this relationship work. Hopefully, there will be a light at the end of the tunnel for you two and I wish you luck.


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