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You Asked: Is This a Lost Cause?

Dear Sugar,

I have a friend that I've known for a few years that I've always liked, and it seemed like he liked me, too. We have a lot of mutual friends who encourage the idea of us getting together, so back in August, I decided to put it out there. I wrote him an email telling him how I felt. He said he felt the same way and we started to date. So far, we've seen each other fairly consistently over the past three months, but from the very beginning, he would only make plans on the day of. I figured it was just him being laid-back so I followed suit, but as time went on, that didn't change and we almost never connect when we aren't together. I tried to take his lead and since he didn't call, I didn't call.

Over Thanksgiving this was particularly notable because I was out of town and didn't hear from him at all. I finally sent him a text that Sunday just to say hi, but our conversation was very short and basic. Last weekend, after having a nice night together, I said that while I like spending time with him, not hearing from him in between dates is confusing. He said that he just isn't sure what he wants and was content to just let things progress naturally. I told him I was OK with that, but part of me thinks I'm selling myself short. At the same time, I feel like I'm jumping the gun to back out now and give up on the idea that in time, things might actually progress forward. What should I do? — Restless Rene

To see DearSugar's answer


Dear Restless Rene,

Starting a new relationship is always tricky, especially when communication is lacking. I'm glad you spoke up about how you were feeling, but it sounds as though he wants to just let things happen organically. There's definitely nothing wrong with starting out that way, but if you are not on the same page, this could become incredibly frustrating for you.

Since you can't change the way he feels, you have two choices. You can either accept the path your blossoming relationship is on, or you can move on if the uncertainly is too unsettling. If it's possible to just take a step back and enjoy him for what he's able to give you right now, I think that's your best bet — no one said you couldn't keep one eye open for other guys, did they! I hope I was of some help, and good luck to you.


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