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You Asked: For Love or Money?


Dear Sugar,

Currently I have two men who are after me. I have always been a pessimist about marriage since my parents divorced when I was a teenager. I am currently in a relationship with someone who is adorable, so romantic, sweet, caring and has a good job/career. The other man that is courting me is a good male friend who is about 20 years older than me. He is a billionaire, and even though we are not dating, he has asked me to marry him on numerous occasions. (Before you lay into me, I know why he wants to marry me and he knows the reason I would marry him.) He is a very nice guy and even though I am not currently in love with him, I feel that over time, I truly think I could.

My question to you is this: Do I marry for love (which according to most married people I speak to, they say it dwindles) or do I marry for money and learn to love him in the romantic sense? — Gold Digging Gretta

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Dear Gold Digging Gretta,

I have to say here, I am confused. You say you're currently dating a romantic, sweet and caring man who has a good career, so what's the problem? Thousands of women would kill for a guy with those qualities! Sure, money can give you financial security, but since you don't have any romantic feelings for him now, what makes you think you could grow to love him later down the road? As cliché as this may sound, money does not buy you love.

Although you didn't grow up with a good example of how wonderful relationships can be, not all marriages are dysfunctional. It sounds to me like you simply haven't found the right man if you have to ask me this question in the first place. If you choose to go with the older man, you will end up feeling like you're living a lie since you'd simply be with him for his money. Although you might be able to have everything material, you're going to end up feeling empty inside. With that said, if there's something missing in your current relationship, I wouldn't necessarily stay with him either.

At the end of the day, you want to wake up next to someone you love and respect, but more important, you want to love and respect yourself and the choices you make for your future. If I were you, I'd put both these men behind you and wait for someone that has the entire package. Good luck.

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