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You Asked: My Best Friend is Flirting With Me!

Dear Sugar--

I have a very confusing problem with a very close guy friend of mine. I met him about a year ago, and we began casually dating for a little while. We broke up and while we were not speaking, he met another girl who is now his girlfriend. He contacted me after we had not talked for a while and expressed a desire to be friends again. He said he had really missed me and that he thought I was an amazing person. Over time we began to redevelop a relationship and I now consider him one of my closest friends. He is always able to talk to me, and I feel more comfortable talking to him than I do anyone else. When we hang out, his presence makes me feel happy. He has told me that I am his best friend, and that whenever he is sad I make him feel better. He tells me he loves me all the time.

The problem is that he sometimes crosses the line. He will tell me how beautiful I am, which is of course not a problem, but then sometimes he goes on to say how much he wants to have sex with me, or how he is thinking of me naked. The fact that he does this is very frustrating, because he told me he still has feelings for me, but he continues to date this other girl. I've tried talking to him about this, but he's very ambiguous. What should I think? He's my best friend, but I can't go on like this.

--Puzzled Pam

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Puzzled Pam--

First thing's first. You say he's your best friend, but it sounds like you have romantic feelings for him -- do you wish your relationship went further than just a friendship? If the answer is "yes" then you have to be straight up with him and tell him how you feel. Walking on this thin line isn't fair to you or his girlfriend. On the other hand, if you just want to be friends with him, you need to tell him to lay off with the touchy-feely stuff. Tell him flat-out that you love his friendship, but don't want to take things any further.

Either way - he needs to get his feelings straight. Even though he hasn't done anything to physically cheat on his girlfriend, telling you he wants to have sex with you is one step away from it. It sounds as though he wants to have his cake and eat it too so it is high time that he figures out who he wants to be with once and for all. Good luck Pam.


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