I think my boyfriend is addicted to pornography and masturbation. The porn itself wouldn't bother me, but it's interfering with our sex life. I love having sex with him, but while I'm at work (he works from home), he masturbates to porn all day long and by the time I get home, he has no interest in me. I've told him that this hurts me, but he still does it and gets angry with me when I bring it up. It's getting hard to go to work knowing that as soon as I leave, that's what he does. It feels like he's cheating on me. Its not fair to me. How do we overcome this? Can he stop?
— Problems With Porn Patty
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Dear Problems With Porn Patty,
I commend you for telling your boyfriend how this makes you feel, but it's very concerning that he doesn't seem to care. If you're bringing this up over and over again, and rather than trying to change he just gets angry with you, I'd say you have a serious problem. From your description, it sounds like he has a compulsion.
The only person who can get your boyfriend to make a real change is your boyfriend. No matter how much pleading you might do, if he doesn't want to stop, he won't. If you had just started dating him, I would tell you to move on, but since you're in a serious relationship, it's certainly worth trying to work through. Counseling would be a good approach, both as a couple and him alone. However, if he's against that idea and still won't change, I would recommend giving him an ultimatum.
Tell your boyfriend that you will be packing your bags and ending things if he doesn't stop. Make it clear that you will do everything you can to support his lifestyle change — recommend that he get an office job or suggest incorporating some of the porn into your own sex life. But no matter what, make sure he understands that you have no intention of staying if he doesn't try to change. If he still won't stop, I think he's made his choice and you should make yours accordingly. It's obviously not easy, but it doesn't seem like you can handle much more. Good luck.