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You Asked: My Boyfriend Dated My "Aunt"

You Asked: My Boyfriend Dated My "Aunt"

Dear Sugar,

I was in a relationship for eight years with the love of my life. A few months ago, we broke up, and he started seeing this woman that I called my "aunt" for 30 years, and I was devastated. We were apart for about two months, but he left her and came back to me because he said he loves and wants to be with me. Now we're back together, but he is still in contact with her by phone and email. He says he's still friends with her, but I have made it very clear that I'm uncomfortable with them remaining friends. I told him that I'm not going to put up with it because I think it's disrespectful. Since I've told him this, I don't think that he has contacted her, but I don't know for sure. I'm really suspicious and insecure all time, and I just don't know if I can trust him. I love this man with all my heart, and I want to spend the rest of my life with him, but it's really eating at me and I just don't know what to do. Can you please give me some advice?

—Can't Trust My Boyfriend Bonnie

To see DearSugar's answer

Dear Can't Trust My Boyfriend Bonnie,

I know you're feeling a little insecure about your relationship, but you can feel assured about two things. One, he never cheated on you. He broke up with you before he started seeing your "aunt." Two, he obviously loves you since he left her to get back together with you. These are things you can feel good about. From what I can tell, he hasn't given you any reason to mistrust him. He's been upfront and honest this entire time.

I know that you want him to sever all contact with this other woman, and unless he's made you think he hasn't respected your wishes, I think you should assume that he's done just that. Keep communicating with him about how you feel. You've obviously been through a lot these past few months, having broken up and gotten back together, so just be patient. I'm sure things will start to feel more permanent and secure with time.


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