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You Asked: My Boyfriend Is Inexperienced

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating my boyfriend for about a year and a half now. He had never been with a girl before me, and as a result of his lack of experience, he's never given me an orgasm. Since he's inexperienced, I don't think he realizes just how much effort it takes to help a woman climax. After a year of never saying anything, I think he assumes it's OK with me. Unfortunately, it really does matter to me.

Lately I'm feeling resentful that he orgasms every time we're together and I never have. He only spends a few minutes on me and doesn't realize how unsatisfied that leaves me. I don't want to bring it up because I feel like it's too much to ask from him to spend twice as long making me feel good (even though I do it for him all the time). I guess I want him to want me to orgasm, not just because I asked for it. Otherwise I feel like I'm making an unreasonable demand.

At the same time, I know that I'm being childish and immature by remaining silent about what's really bothering me and then blaming him for not doing anything about it. So how do I talk to him about this without hurting him, and how do I get over my own issues with asking?

— Sexual Dissatisfied Diana

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Dear Sexually Dissatisfied Diana,

As much as we may want a significant other to want something without us having to ask for it, in the end, you're only going to be left unsatisfied and resentful, as you well know. Diana, you need to decide if you want to be sexually fulfilled or not, and if you do, it's time to speak up. I would bet that your boyfriend has absolutely no idea that he's not meeting your needs and once he's able to, the thrill alone of making you feel that good will have him raring to try it again!

So don't feel bad by asking him to try something different or do something new — this is something that you need and it's something your relationship is suffering without. Tell him gently that while you feel great with what he's been doing, you really want to be able to climax. Ask if you can show him what you like or use your own hand to guide him. This is going to take time, but in the end, your efforts will be well worth it. Otherwise, your silence and dissatisfaction will permanently damage your relationship.


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