I'm 27 years old and have been dating this guy for 3 years. He's my best friend. We get along perfectly, because we compliment each other so well. He's great at helping me with everything (like guys do), and I've brought out his nurturing and honest side.
The thing is, lately he's been a little TOO honest. He's been making really hurtful comments about my weight. He says things like, "Do you really think you should be eating dessert?" Or when I go to take another spoonful of pasta he'll say "Haven't you had enough?" The other night he came home from work and I was sitting on the couch reading, and he said "I thought you were going to the gym."
I'm 5'2'' and 130lbs - not overweight, but no skinny-minnie either. Before I met him, when I was in high school, I was obsessed with how I looked. I weighed over 160lbs, got really depressed, developed an eating disorder, and dropped down to 100lbs. I had a really unhealthy lifestyle and attitude about myself. I've since gotten help and am finally happy with where I'm at right now. The thing is, he doesn't know any of this, and I fear that his comments might make me go back to my old ways of starving myself and over-exercising. I really love him and I know he loves me, so what should I do?
--Finally Happy Heather
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Dear Finally Happy Heather--
First off, let me say how happy I am that you got help for your eating disorder - those unhealthy thoughts and habits are really hard to break so you should be very proud of yourself. The support of friends, family, and a therapist is so important for your well-being and since your boyfriend is part of that group, I suggest telling him about what you went through.
In order for him to understand how his words affect you, he needs to know how self-conscious you were (and still are) about your weight and how his snide remarks are only supporting those negative feelings. I'm sure once you open up to him he will be more sensitive about what he says, even bringing you two closer as a couple.
Whether you had an eating disorder or not, nobody should be commenting negatively about your weight, especially someone who loves and cares about you. After you talk to him, if those hurtful remarks continue, you might want to re-evaluate this relationship. You deserve to be with someone who accepts you for the beautiful person you are inside and out, regardless of what the scale says. Good luck Heather.