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You Asked: My Ex Talks About Other Girls


Dear Sugar--

My ex-fiancé and I are still friends. He called off the wedding 5 years ago because he wasn't sure if he wanted kids, and I really did. We've both moved on with our lives - he lives in another state and and I'm actually engaged.

Being friends has worked out for us so far, but ever since I told him I was getting married, every time we talk, he tells me about the other girls he's dating. I know he's just trying to show me that he's moved on, which is great, but I don't really care to hear all the explicit details, ya know? It's kind of immature.

I'm not jealous, I'm actually happy he's dating, but now our relationship is so one-sided because he's always talking about himself. We used to be really close and talk about everything, and he has never once asked me about my life or my upcoming wedding. He talks non-stop about what's going on with him, and then he says, "Okay, gotta go." Any suggestions?

--Moved On Maureen

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Dear Moved On Maureen--

Well, you may not be jealous of him, but he is definitely jealous of you and your happiness. Maybe he's regretting the fact that he called off the wedding and gave you up. Or maybe it upsets him that you are engaged, and he's not. On the other hand, maybe he feels comfortable enough to talk to you about his new relationships and he values your advice.

Whatever the reason, since you are so close, do you think you can talk to him about how you feel? Friendship is a two way street so tell him that you love that he's dating, but he doesn't need to go on and on about the specifics. You can also subtly try to share some info about your life and your wedding plans and see how he takes it. If he's constantly changing the subject, call him out on it. Ask him flat-out, "Does it bother you when I talk about this?"

Remaining friends with an ex-boyfriend or ex-fiancé is really difficult because they'll always be your "ex." It's normal to talk about your own personal relationships with other friends, but when you bring it up with your "ex" it can come across as either a slap in the face or a way to prove that you've moved on. You may find that it just becomes too difficult to communicate on the friendship level, especially on a daily or weekly basis and you may just naturally grow apart. If speaking up doesn't help, you may have to let this friendship sizzle out. Good luck Maureen.

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