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You Asked: My Friends Don't Respect My Time

You Asked: My Friends Don't Respect My Time


Dear Sugar,

I feel like the people in my life don't respect me. Several of my friends and even my boyfriend are very inconsiderate when it comes to our time together. I make plans with them and time and time again, they either cancel or show up extremely late. At first, I stopped and evaluated what I was doing, thinking maybe I should take a hint — I even went as far as confronting my friends and boyfriend on the issue. I explained that I plan my day around our plans and when they don't work out or are moved around, it messes up my day. I have also tried doing it back to them but that does nothing! I don't want to make something out of nothing but I am truly offended. There are so many other things I could be doing besides waiting around for them all day and I am at the point where I am finding myself developing huge resentments against these people. I don't want to end relationships over this. Do you have any suggestions on how I could possibly handle this situation better? — Fed Up Frannie

To see DearSugar's answer, read more.

Dear Fed Up Frannie,

I don't blame you for being fed up with your friends and boyfriend! Of course things come up and sometimes breaking plans is inevitable, but when it's happening time and time again, it just becomes unfair so I'm glad you've addressed this issue.

When you asked them for an explanation, what was their response? Is it just happen circumstance every time or do you feel like they're deliberately avoiding you? If you think you've done everything on your end to rectify the situation to no avail, perhaps it's time to just accept these specific people for who they are. While bailing out on previously made plans is no doubt inconsiderate, the might be doing the best they can.

Going forward, I'd simply let them know how you feel when they don't regard your time. Instead of bottling up your feelings inside, get it off your chest ASAP so you don't end up harboring unnecessary resentment — if they don't know that their actions hurt you, they won't know to stop. If things still don't change, I'd think about moving on from these relationships and aim to spend time with people that are willing to make more of an effort with you and your time. Good luck.

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