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You Asked: My Husband Wants to Have a Threesome


Dear Sugar,

My husband and I have been together for two years. We recently had a son who is 5 months old, and we just got married September 20, 2007. He has been talking about having a threesome for almost a year now, with another woman. It's one of his fantasies and the subject only comes up during sex, which we haven't had much of since our son was born.

I don't really have any interest in women, and I couldn't imagine another woman having sex with my husband. I do want to fulfill my hubby's fantasy, but I don't want to be hurt at all from it.

Since I'm not into the whole threesome idea, just to please him, last night (while we were having sex) I asked him if he would like to have sex with another woman when I'm not around, kind of like a girlfriend, and he told me he would love it. I asked him if he knew of anyone in particular and he told me there is a new girl in his office that he thinks is attractive. I told him he could try her. He asked me if I would be mad if he gave her his cell phone number and I told him no. I told him I was willing to do anything that makes him happy.

Today I am torn about the conversation we had last night. I don't even want to go home after work; I just want to cry. He has never lied or cheated on me, and he respects me, pays all our bills, and is the best husband in the world. What did I do?

—Torn and Upset Tina

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Dear Torn and Upset Tina,

Since you are a new mom, I bet you're probably too exhausted to even think about having sex. Part of me is worried that you are only agreeing to let your hubby be with another woman because you feel guilty that you aren't satisfying him sexually. Your husband should be understanding and patient until your body and mind are ready to have sex again. Aside from being a new mom, it sounds like your man is into experimenting sexually, which is awesome, but he needs to respect your position as well. Since you're not really into inviting other people into your bedroom (which I completely understand), it's great that you are willing to suggest other options.

Even though you originally suggested that he have sex with another woman, it sounds like you changed your mind, which you are totally allowed to do. If you go against your judgment, not only do I foresee this ruining your relationship and sex life, but he's also putting your health at risk (hello STIs!). You should talk about this some more (I suggest when you are not having sex) so you can lay out all your feelings and concerns on the table. Things are bound to change if he has sex with another woman, even if he promises they won't.

There's got to be other ways you two can get creative under the sheets without there being another woman involved. Get yourself some sex toys, books, videos, or get a babysitter for the weekend so you two can take a romantic weekend somewhere alone. We all want to make our significant others happy, but there's something wrong if it makes you unhappy. Good luck to you, Tina.

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