Dear Sugar --
I have been dating my boyfriend for over four years and I trust him very much. I know he loves me and wouldn't do anything to hurt me. We have been having a long distance relationship for over two years due to work. About 8 months ago he met a girl that he talks to a lot. Later I found out that she was spending the night at his apartment quite often because she was too drunk to drive home. I asked him to not allow this anymore and he hasn't.
My problem is that lately he has been comparing me to her. He also talks to her everyday. They send each other text messages and I feel like she is getting more attention than I am. Should I be jealous, and how do I handle the situation? I do trust my boyfriend, it is her that I do not trust. It also does not help that she lives in the same city as he does and I am thousands of miles away. ~ Long Distance Lolita
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Dear Lolita --
To put it bluntly: Yes, you should be jealous and you should do something about it. Whether or not your boyfriend is cheating physically, he is definitely cheating emotionally. It sounds like he is using his relationship with this other girl to fill a need to be close to someone who is not thousands of miles away. I am not saying this is the right thing for him to be doing, but he is doing it nonetheless.
The good news is that it seems like he is willing to listen to you and adjust his behavior. When you told him to stop letting her spend the night at his apartment, he did. I think it is time for you to now tell him that his relationship with this girl is making you uncomfortable and you want him to end it. If he truly loves you and respects your relationship, he will listen and take action.
If he fights you or seems defensive in any way, it might be time to take a serious look at your long term prospects with this guy. Long distance relationships are hard enough without this added wrinkle. Listen to your gut instinct and ask yourself if this relationship is causing you more stress than happiness. If so, it might be time to cut your losses and move on. Good luck.