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You Asked: My Neighbors Are Having Sex and It's Really Loud!

You Asked: My Neighbors Are Having Sex and It's Really Loud!

Dear Sugar,

I just moved into my first condo that I bought myself and I love it, but I'm having a problem with my neighbors. They seriously have sex every single night, so loudly it shakes my walls. They scream out things I shouldn't hear, and the bed creaks rhythmically. It goes on for at least a half an hour a night and it makes me really uncomfortable.

Now, I mean everyone needs to get theirs, but every night? And that loud? I can't just ask them to keep it down, can I? What should I do? I really can't deal anymore.

—Can't Sleep Stella

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Can't Sleep Stella,

I've totally had this problem before too, but it was with a roommate I shared an apartment. I felt as if I had to talk to her abut it since we were friends, but I can guess that you probably don't want the first conversation you have with your new neighbors to be about their outrageous sexual escapades!

If I were you, I'd leave an anonymous note on their door. Make it short and sweet. Say something cute like, "Hi there. I thought you'd want to know that I'm totally jealous that you two are getting busy every night. Hearing you (and I do hear you) just rubs it in my face even more, so could you do this single girl a favor and keep it down? Thanks." That note is sure to get the point across without making them feel attacked or self-conscious. If you don't feel comfortable taking that route, could you call your land lord and have him or her talk to them about it for you? Whatever way you decide to broach the topic, do it sooner than later. You shouldn't feel uncomfortable in your own home. Good luck!

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PinkUnicorn PinkUnicorn 8 years
Leave them a note and then make a formal complaint to the condo board. A couple of commenters have said that she should just get used to it, but sorry, living in a condo means following some rules, particularly rules regarding noise. In my condo you have to be quiet enough to not bother your neighbours by 11:30 pm. I have always been really respectful and kept it down and I expect nothing less from the people living around me.
ragus ragus 8 years
FYI: Actually noise pollution is for more than car stereos look it up and I was only joking!
BRANDYNICOLE730 BRANDYNICOLE730 8 years
NDHebert, there is a noise pollution law for people with loud car stereos. If you can hear a peron's car bass from 50 feet, you can all the police, so not so comparitive.
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Why don't you just turn up the music really loud WHILE they're having sex? A couple of times would probably do the trick. Now, I live in a big house with my boyfriend and another couple (of friends), so I have to keep it down all the time so nobody will feel uncomfortable, and it's really a big downer. I hate it. I don't care when the other couple is having sex, sometimes I hear them, and so what? It's just part of life, and if they are enjoying each other, good for them! I really don't think you should ever tell anyone to be quiet when they're doing it. Loud music is one thing... but sex? But hey, I'm French. ;)
karlotta karlotta 8 years
Why don't you just turn up the music really loud WHILE they're having sex? A couple of times would probably do the trick.Now, I live in a big house with my boyfriend and another couple (of friends), so I have to keep it down all the time so nobody will feel uncomfortable, and it's really a big downer. I hate it. I don't care when the other couple is having sex, sometimes I hear them, and so what? It's just part of life, and if they are enjoying each other, good for them! I really don't think you should ever tell anyone to be quiet when they're doing it. Loud music is one thing... but sex? But hey, I'm French.;)
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
I had this same problem, and i would bang on the wall and yell, "shut the F Up its 3 in the morning" that stopped them.
looseseal looseseal 8 years
The mischievous part of me would want to blast some highly unsexy sounds at them. Like an audio water hose. Maybe children's songs, or Chinese opera. Quick! What's the most unsexy sound ever?The more non-confrontational side just say get some earplugs and headphones and make yourself effectively deaf to the world while they're doing their thing. Maybe get one of those decibel counter things to let you know when the loudness is over. Or time them a few times to give yourself an idea of how long it takes on average.Although that can problematic if it's late, you're trying to sleep and you need to hear the alarm the next morning.Ooh, I know! Use a tape recorder to catch the sounds of them having sex (or any sound recorder you might have - most phones and mp3 players and even computers come with those now). Simply label it: Sounds recorded in neighboring condo. Slip a copy under their door. (Well, maybe only use that as the next step if the polite note doesn't work.)Next step after all of those: make a video with their sound as the soundtrack and some birds, bees, tunnels, etc as the video. Put it on youtube. Give them the link on another piece of paper slipped under their door.I'm having way too much fun coming up with these. I should stop myself. Now.
looseseal looseseal 8 years
The mischievous part of me would want to blast some highly unsexy sounds at them. Like an audio water hose. Maybe children's songs, or Chinese opera. Quick! What's the most unsexy sound ever? The more non-confrontational side just say get some earplugs and headphones and make yourself effectively deaf to the world while they're doing their thing. Maybe get one of those decibel counter things to let you know when the loudness is over. Or time them a few times to give yourself an idea of how long it takes on average. Although that can problematic if it's late, you're trying to sleep and you need to hear the alarm the next morning. Ooh, I know! Use a tape recorder to catch the sounds of them having sex (or any sound recorder you might have - most phones and mp3 players and even computers come with those now). Simply label it: Sounds recorded in neighboring condo. Slip a copy under their door. (Well, maybe only use that as the next step if the polite note doesn't work.) Next step after all of those: make a video with their sound as the soundtrack and some birds, bees, tunnels, etc as the video. Put it on youtube. Give them the link on another piece of paper slipped under their door. I'm having way too much fun coming up with these. I should stop myself. Now.
ragus ragus 8 years
There are Noise ordinances! Have a cop drop by for noise pollution lol... just kidding I'm not that mean... I do pound on the wall though... They always get it pretty quickly lol...
yadiet yadiet 8 years
I would most deff leave that little note somewhere by their door. But, I would leave the "single gal" out of it. Just imagine if they figure out who it was that actually wrote the note. How horrible is that, I live in a condo and when I have sex with my husband I sometimes think to myself can my neighbors hear me.. OMG how horrific!!!!!
aSLAMMINhottie aSLAMMINhottie 8 years
HA! I'm sorry to say that I was that girl in my last apartment. My neighbors were quite diplomatic and banged on our wall; it cracked us up and we made sure to keep it down.
nikodarling nikodarling 8 years
I don't think its fair to judge them. There is a good chance they don't realize you hear them. I like the idea of a discrete anonymous note. I did have this problem once. When I knew they were home and could hear their voices in the bedroom I pretended I was having a loud phone conversation. I think it worked.... they realized if they could hear me I could hear them.
nikodarling nikodarling 8 years
I don't think its fair to judge them. There is a good chance they don't realize you hear them. I like the idea of a discrete anonymous note. I did have this problem once. When I knew they were home and could hear their voices in the bedroom I pretended I was having a loud phone conversation. I think it worked.... they realized if they could hear me I could hear them.
amybdk amybdk 8 years
I was also going to mention passiveaggressivenotes.com like lily314. Here's a note you could just photocopy and slip under their door! hee hee http://www.passiveaggressivenotes.com/2007/10/12/down-and-dirty-down-under-dear/
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
We keep it down at night-time. During the day I see no problem with it.And children are not allowed in our apartment building, we have very strict regulations about it.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
We keep it down at night-time. During the day I see no problem with it. And children are not allowed in our apartment building, we have very strict regulations about it.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
Loud sex isn't tacky - having sex so that others can hear you is. If you're in a place where it's not an issue then it's fine. Loud music or traipsing around in heels on hardwood floors at 2am is inconsiderate. But having sex so the world can hear is inconsiderate AND tacky. yes. Perfect strangers don't need to hear you express your love for one another. It really just boils down to taking others into consideration. What if there were young children hearing you? Would you still feel the same way, or is it ok because only adults have to be subjected to it? I'm all for a healthy sex life - but until you have a stand alone house ALL loud noises should be kept in check. Regardless of the rent you pay.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
Loud sex isn't tacky - having sex so that others can hear you is. If you're in a place where it's not an issue then it's fine. Loud music or traipsing around in heels on hardwood floors at 2am is inconsiderate. But having sex so the world can hear is inconsiderate AND tacky. yes. Perfect strangers don't need to hear you express your love for one another. It really just boils down to taking others into consideration. What if there were young children hearing you? Would you still feel the same way, or is it ok because only adults have to be subjected to it? I'm all for a healthy sex life - but until you have a stand alone house ALL loud noises should be kept in check. Regardless of the rent you pay.
cubadog cubadog 8 years
This has been on here before but at any rate. Don't call the landlord or the HOA until you have tried a light hearted note. I don't see it as passive agressive at all it's not like your going to write if you don't stop I am going to tell on you. I have a very loud upstairs neighbor Mr. Stompy that I have learned to live with after all we all pay to live there and unfortunately it is part of apartment/Condo/Co-op living.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
Loud sex is tacky? We love each other, we have sex, and yea sometimes its loud. I don't see how that is tacky. Maybe if I was bringing home a different guy every night but that is not the case.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
well, personally I would classify hairy dogs or banging around in the morning as in a different category as loud sex. No one really wants to hear others bumpin' uglies. It's just tacky.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
BRANDYNICOLE730 I agree with you. I got a note on the door saying that we woke "the neighbor" up. I know which one it is too because no one lives under us and the perosn on the left of us is barley home. We tone it down a little more during the night now, but during the day or early evening...screw you! I pay my rent fair and square just like everyone else. It's my place, and I can have sex as loud as I want whenever I want. When I signed the lease there was nothing stating otherwise. AND the lady up lives upstairs who left the note is super loud every morning when she wakes (weekend incldued) and also has this huge dog who hair gets ALL OVER our balcony.
Lovely_1 Lovely_1 8 years
BRANDYNICOLE730 I agree with you. I got a note on the door saying that we woke "the neighbor" up. I know which one it is too because no one lives under us and the perosn on the left of us is barley home.We tone it down a little more during the night now, but during the day or early evening...screw you! I pay my rent fair and square just like everyone else. It's my place, and I can have sex as loud as I want whenever I want. When I signed the lease there was nothing stating otherwise.AND the lady up lives upstairs who left the note is super loud every morning when she wakes (weekend incldued) and also has this huge dog who hair gets ALL OVER our balcony.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
When you live in a condo I think you have to be aware of your neighbors - it's just plain courtesy. It's not the same as living in a "house". We live in a townhouse and we are aware of our music, the fact that our bedroom wall shares theirs, our conversations on our deck (which is joined with our neighbor's, separated by a privacy wall.) They might not be aware the walls are so thin and more than likely would be mortified to find out. I think the lighthearted note suggested by Sugar is the way to start - if they still are rude after then take it up with the management.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
When you live in a condo I think you have to be aware of your neighbors - it's just plain courtesy. It's not the same as living in a "house". We live in a townhouse and we are aware of our music, the fact that our bedroom wall shares theirs, our conversations on our deck (which is joined with our neighbor's, separated by a privacy wall.) They might not be aware the walls are so thin and more than likely would be mortified to find out. I think the lighthearted note suggested by Sugar is the way to start - if they still are rude after then take it up with the management.
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