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You Asked: My Relationship Has Hit a Lull

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been together for two and a half years. Recently I have been feeling like our relationship is boring and there's no excitement left. I was talking to a co-worker about this and she said that after you hit the two-year mark in a relationship things just start going downhill. She also said something about it being a result of chemicals or hormones in the brain. Is this true? And if so, what can I do to get my relationship back to being fun again? I don't want to break-up.

—Bored Betty

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Bored Betty,

It sounds like you really like this guy and what your co-worker said is hogwash. Sure hormones affect our moods, but they won't make a relationship boring unless you're the one who's not putting forth any effort to make it more fun.

Relationships are as wonderful and exciting as you make them. When you first start dating someone, things are so new that you don't have time to be bored. Then after you get to know someone, you put forth less effort, stop trying to impress them (since you've already won their heart), and you get back to living your day-to-day life. So you've got to do some things to bring the spice and fire back.

One of the best things you can do is talk to your boyfriend about how you feel, and see if he's feeling the same way. Together you can figure out ways to make your relationship have more passion. Maybe you need to go on more dates, or designate one night a week to be Date Night so you always have something to look forward to. Maybe life in the bedroom could use some re-vamping. You also have to make an effort to do special things like give each other massages, or leave love notes for each other. You can't just expect things to automatically be fabulous and outstanding all the time, you've got to be the one to make it happen.


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