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You Asked: Is This My Second Chance?


Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of two and a half years broke up with me almost three months ago. I was devastated and completely broken-hearted, but I realized that by breaking up with me, he actually saved my life. I had been slowly falling into a deep depression over the last four months of our relationship and denied every bit of it to myself. He saw through it and tried to help me, but I pushed him away. After he crushed my world, I was forced to face reality and deal with my demons.

Now it's three months later, and I already feel like a whole new person. But I've been thinking of him constantly. We hadn't spoken once since we broke up, until he texted me the other day to ask how I was doing. Obviously I was thrilled, and we ended up talking for an hour, at the end of which he asked me if I would want to meet up some time soon. I'm really excited, but I also don't want to read into this too much or screw things up if he does want to get back together. How should I approach him at dinner?

— Second Chance Sandra

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Dear Second Chance Sandra,

It's wonderful to hear that you used the breakup with your boyfriend to examine and overcome some of the issues that you had been previously ignoring. It sounds that you're in a very positive place emotionally speaking, which is a good time to pursue a relationship. As for the approaching meetup, avoid thinking of it as a date, but more as a chance for you guys to reconnect on a friend level. This will help mentality reduce any pressure and allow you to get a sense of whether or not he's interested.

When broaching the idea of getting back together with someone, it's always important to remember why you broke up in the first place. Consider in detail the problems you faced in your relationship, as most of them don't just go away, even if you've had a few months apart. It's also important to be aware that if you don't address them, they're likely to start up again right where you both left them. In your case, consider the role your depression played in the relationship and the breakup: Was it the cause or the effect? Most importantly, take things with your ex one step at a time, and should you guys choose to get back together, don't be afraid to communicate all of your concerns with him. Good luck!

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