About two months ago, I met a guy at a bar who is in the same graduate program as me, but he's a few years older. He found my email address, and we've been in constant contact for the past eight weeks. Sounds great right? Well here's my problem: We hang out about once a week, and we're usually drunk and end up sleeping together. I would say that we're just sleeping together and end it at that, but we talk every single day and he calls me "hun" and "babe" as if I were his girlfriend. Whenever we hang out, I'm always the one making the effort to go to his apartment, or meet him at a bar near his place, or go meet him and his friends. I feel like I'm chasing around this guy who isn't really making any effort other than calling me "babe" every night via text-message.
I'm nervous to bring up how I feel because I don't want to make a big deal out of it if he just considers this a casual sex thing. But at the same time, I don't want to waste my time with someone who won't potentially become a boyfriend. What should I do? — Wanting More Maura
To see DearSugar's answer,
Dear Wanting More Maura,
Having a friends with benefits relationship only works when both people are on the same page, and it sounds like that's not the case here. Although you're hesitant to talk about your situation, I suggest you bite the bullet and have a heart to heart with him. Without getting the facts about how he feels about you and what he wants, this limbo state won't go away.
We all know that most men shy away from talking about their feelings, but perhaps he just needs some reassurance that you're actually interested in something more before he puts his heart on his sleeve. It's obvious that there's something between you two, so dig a little deeper and see what that something is.
In the meantime, FWB are very tricky relationships, and while each one is different, it's important to at least make sure you're safe — I don't need to remind you about the dangers of STIs. I know it's unnerving to broach such a vulnerable subject with someone you're interested in, but without speaking your mind, you'll never know what could have been. Good luck!