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You Asked: Is the Romance Gone For Good?

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for nearly four years and we were very good friends for about two years before that. He's great, and I love him to death — we're even planning to get married sometime in the next year but lately it seems like we are more like best friends than a couple. We talk and hang out, but all of the romantic feelings are gone. I've tried all the usual tips to make our relationship hot again, but nothing has worked so far. We're both virgins, so having more or better sex isn't an option. What can I do to make this work?

— More Like Friends Madison

To see Dear Sugar's answer


Dear More Like Friends Madison,

As I'm sure you know, it's perfectly normal for couples to go through different stages during the course of their relationships. It's also easy for the sensation of lust to be replaced with a feeling more similar to friendship. Sometimes the adjustment can be difficult as many people feel like their feelings have fizzled, but the fact is the novelty of falling in love does eventually wear off. However, once the initial change takes place, the new feeling that you're left with should be one more akin to contentment than panic.

It sounds like you really want to make your relationship work, and are willing to do whatever it takes for that to happen. That kind of positive attitude is great, but I suggest that you try to stop worrying so much about whether or not the romance is still there and focus on figuring how you're both really feeling. Open up and talk to your boyfriend. I also suggest you take a step back — you might see that you're actually really happy with where things are and just not used to the change, or you might realize that you guys are no longer sharing the intimacy you need for a relationship for a reason. Either way, you'll be able to consider things without the pressure you seem to be putting on yourself. Take it one day at a time and good luck to you.


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