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You Asked: She's Ruined Our Friendship

You Asked: She's Ruined Our Friendship

Dear Sugar,

Over the years, I've gotten to know my husband's best friend and really come to think of him as a good friend of mine. He started dating his current girlfriend about two years ago, and they have been off and on since. From day one, she has been rude, condescending, and spiteful towards me. She seems to try to align herself with my husband and say petty things about me.

It came to a head a couple of weeks ago when she thought I uninvited her to a cocktail party we were throwing. In actuality she was complaining so much about coming that I just said she didn't have to come if she didn't want to. Since our little argument, she won't let me come over or talk to my friend at all.

I've tried to extend the olive branch and asked if we can meet up and discuss things, but she keeps postponing. He won't talk to me, and I feel horrible for this rift in my husband's and his friendship! We don't think she's a good person; she's manipulative and only looks out for herself. I feel like his is a friendship worth saving, for both my husband and me, but I don't know how. Please help!

—Unwelcome Willa

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Dear Unwelcome Willa,

It does sound as if your friend's girlfriend has a very controlling streak, but unfortunately, there's very little you can do if this is the woman your friend has chosen to be with. I think trying to sit down and talk to her is a good idea in theory, but it's unlikely that her feelings toward you are suddenly going to change, especially if she's gone so far as to cut you out of your friend's life. But if you need to talk to her, and she just won't comply, go ahead and try writing her an email or letter. Just giving your opinion may not change her mind, but it might make you feel a little better.

As far as your friendship is concerned, I understand the guilt you feel over complicating your husband's relationship, but do keep in mind that while she might be manipulative, your friend is still going along with her demands no matter how unreasonable they may be. He's made a choice to stay in that relationship, while you and your husband are simply bystanders to her game of control. If your husband is concerned about his friendship then I think he needs to speak to his friend. In the meantime, stay polite, but maintain your distance. Hopefully your friend will figure out what's going on sooner rather than later.


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