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You Asked: Should I Break It Off Before He Does?

Dear Sugar,

I have been going out with my boyfriend for almost seven months now and it's been great. The only thing is that one of my not-so-great friends likes him, too. My best friend said she heard a rumor saying that they are seeing each other "undercover," and talking all the time over IM. My friend also found out that this girl is telling him to break it off with me and he's actually been thinking about it. My best friend is not the kind to lie but I don't want to believe it. When I asked my boyfriend if it was true, he just said they were friends but that he thought she was hot. Do you think I should stay with him or break up? I really do love him like I've never loved anyone else, but I also know that love can make you blind to the obvious. I don't want to end up getting my heart broken.

—Insecure Samantha

To see Dear Sugar's answers

Dear Insecure Samantha,

There's nothing wrong with your boyfriend thinking that someone else is good looking — I bet you think other guys are hot too. The thing that matters is whether or not he's cheating on you. Jealousy is a nasty character trait which makes people do crazy things sometimes, so if you have no evidence that your boyfriend's been unfaithful, ignore the rumors that you hear. If you believe in your heart that he wants to be with you, then I'd stay with him.

The key to a healthy relationship is trust and honesty, so keep the lines of communication open and get this girl out of your head. Of course there's no guarantee that you won't end up with a broken heart, but at the end of the day, at least you can say you gave the relationship all you had before quitting over petty gossip. I hope things work out for you two.

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hollowstar hollowstar 8 years
Pfft at least my boyfriend is smart enough to tell me he isn't attracted to girls he flirts with. Flirting a bit once in awhile is one thing, but constantly talking to ONE person is out of line. I would break up with him. If he really does just want you, he'll fight to get you back. If not, you don't have to look like the fool.
onesong onesong 8 years
I fourth (fifth?) the ladies who say read what Hotstuff has to say. And I especially agree with Marci, who says go back and read it again.
klandrach klandrach 8 years
From my experience guys rarely are rarely just friends with a girl without some alterior motive. Just saying that if he is that close with this chick and talking to her he might be hoping for someone more. I say this because even my boyfriend has told me that guys are never "just friends" with a girl.
DCRoamer DCRoamer 8 years
Right on, hotstuff! I totally agree that the poster should let everyone know their age (or at least a range) to help better guide everyone'e replies. Dear, is this something you can add to the site?
bettyboutique bettyboutique 8 years
Drama Drama Drama... Get rid of the dude... sounds pretty RED FLAG to me... and yeah read what Hotstuff has to say
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
maybe you should write him a note, along with making a mix tape, that says "check this box if you love me" or "check this box if you dont" or "check this box if your doing my friend"seriously i dont understand how "I love him so much" can be paired with "i dont know if he is having sex with a friend of mine"
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 8 years
maybe you should write him a note, along with making a mix tape, that says "check this box if you love me" or "check this box if you dont" or "check this box if your doing my friend" seriously i dont understand how "I love him so much" can be paired with "i dont know if he is having sex with a friend of mine"
cubadog cubadog 8 years
Your best friend is basing her information on rumors and not fact which I hate. I do think your boyfriend is a liar however some guys just can't tell the truth. If you don't want an open relationship than you need to end it. It is not a race to see who can dump who first. That is a little dumb.
lemassabielle lemassabielle 8 years
You have no idea how much I hate when men are doing something and can't fess up to it. It seems like you really trust your best friends opinion and know she wouldn't lie to you. So maybe she is looking out for you? It's going to hurt but it looks like it's time to break things off. Let her have him if she wants him so badly. You can find someone 10 times better.
saranightly saranightly 8 years
I was once the "just a friend" to someone's boyfriend. We definitly were not just friends. Not saying that it would happen that way with everyone, but I would defintily be suspicious, especially if the information came from your best friend.
saranightly saranightly 8 years
I was once the "just a friend" to someone's boyfriend. We definitly were not just friends. Not saying that it would happen that way with everyone, but I would defintily be suspicious, especially if the information came from your best friend.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
oops, DUMP him, not DUMB him...lol, he's already DUMB.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
I wasnt there when u and ur boy had the conversation, but it sounds like he didn't deny he was into her...he simply played dumb and the *we're just friends* card.Dumb him and bid the bastard well, along with your ex friend.
erratic-assassin erratic-assassin 8 years
I wasnt there when u and ur boy had the conversation, but it sounds like he didn't deny he was into her...he simply played dumb and the *we're just friends* card. Dumb him and bid the bastard well, along with your ex friend.
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Easy.. friendship with her or relationship with me.=)Men are scumbags..
sparklestar sparklestar 8 years
Easy.. friendship with her or relationship with me. =) Men are scumbags..
nicachica nicachica 8 years
i agree HotStuff! Age definitely makes a difference in some of these answers.Now to the poster- there are ALWAYS questions from best friends wondering if they should tell their bff's that their man is a cheater. Haven't you ever read one of these questions and thought "Heck yeah i'd tell my best friend if her man was playing her!"? Well here you go. Your best friend is trying to tell you that your boyfriend is playing you. Now listen to her. And then let her support you when you dump his butt.
nicachica nicachica 8 years
i agree HotStuff! Age definitely makes a difference in some of these answers. Now to the poster- there are ALWAYS questions from best friends wondering if they should tell their bff's that their man is a cheater. Haven't you ever read one of these questions and thought "Heck yeah i'd tell my best friend if her man was playing her!"? Well here you go. Your best friend is trying to tell you that your boyfriend is playing you. Now listen to her. And then let her support you when you dump his butt.
hotstuff hotstuff 8 years
"Is this high school?"Seriously, I'm starting to think age should be a prerequisite for DS. Not saying you can't post if young, just that age does play a part in giving advice. Like when you ask a question you can post age and some other stats just to give more info into whats going on.
hotstuff hotstuff 8 years
"Is this high school?" Seriously, I'm starting to think age should be a prerequisite for DS. Not saying you can't post if young, just that age does play a part in giving advice. Like when you ask a question you can post age and some other stats just to give more info into whats going on.
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
Where are all these cheating-bastards coming from???!!!this sounds like high school!i left that place years ago. . .
Asia84 Asia84 8 years
Where are all these cheating-bastards coming from???!!! this sounds like high school! i left that place years ago. . .
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Is this high school?
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 8 years
Is this high school?
snowbunny11 snowbunny11 8 years
As someone who told her best friend something similar (and I really liked her bf, except for his total player ways) I can say telling her was the hardest thing ever, and I bet your friend felt like that.Her bf also denied it, and they are still together. He definitely hates me now, but telling was worth it.I just doubt she would say anything unless she had a pretty good feeling he was doing something bad, because literally, starting shit with someone else's personal life is like the worst feeling ever!
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