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You Asked: Should I Break up with Him?

Dear Sugar--
I'm in my first relationship with this sweet guy, basically I couldn't have asked for a better guy to be my first boyfriend. We've been officially "together" for about two months and I love spending time. We don't have too many things in common, but it's always fun when we are together.

In our two months together, we've rushed the physical part (which I'm totally okay with), but I've dragged my feet on the relationship/emotional part. At this point, we basically live together since we spend pretty much all available free time together. It took me a month before I could say I was his girlfriend, where as he's already told me he loves me (which I wasn't prepared for). Sometimes I feel like maybe I'm in this relationship because I like the idea of caring for someone and that person caring for me more than the actual person I am dating.

In the beginning I was looking for a fun casual situation, but now it's evolved into a relationship and I'm not sure I'm handling it right. How do I know I'm not just being commitment phobic and just freaking out by the speed of everything or if I'm just prolonging something they'll inevitably leave someone being hurt? Is that what I'm doing? Please help. --Miscalculating Meghan

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Miscalculating Meghan--

Unfortunately, only you can be the judge of your feelings for this man. Finding someone whose company you enjoy and whom you care for on an intimate level is a great feeling, you're right, but if you're unsure if your feelings and intentions are pure, you have to ask yourself the tough questions.

Are you more concerned with your feelings for him or with the speed in which your relationship is progressing? Being scared is completely normal, but if you are feeling too pressured to be tied down, talk to him and let him know you want to slow things down. It sounds like you care a great deal for him and truly enjoy his company, so before making any snap decisions, have a heart to heart with him.

On the flip side, listen to your gut instinct and follow your intuition. If you don't feel like you are in it to win it so to speak, the right thing to do is to end your relationship now before any more time is wasted. He is being very open with you about his feelings and he deserves the same from you.

Perhaps some space will give you a chance to gain some perspective on your true feelings for this guy. While all women enjoy being loved and cared for, be honest with your feelings and don't lead him on, you will only be hurting yourself in the long run.

Source

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Join The Conversation
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
wow, this is at least the 4th time i have read this EXACT post. 1) you are not a boyfriend/girlfriend after 1 month; that is like jr. high, 2) if this is SO disturving to you that you need to post SO many times; move on. you aren't up to dating on any level. he will be just fine. in another month he will be on to the bext "girlfriend"/love, whatever.
lickety-split lickety-split 8 years
wow, this is at least the 4th time i have read this EXACT post. 1) you are not a boyfriend/girlfriend after 1 month; that is like jr. high, 2) if this is SO disturving to you that you need to post SO many times; move on. you aren't up to dating on any level. he will be just fine. in another month he will be on to the bext "girlfriend"/love, whatever.
whatthew00t whatthew00t 8 years
I went through the same thing. I knew all along that my ex was bad for me for he clearly never respected me and pressured me to a relationship too soon for our comfort and trust levels with each other. But I didn't want to break up with him because I liked the idea of somebody caring for me rather than what I needed and wanted in a relationship. I kept saying "I don't know" or "No" when he said that he wanted to be with me, but he wouldn't listen. So we decided to make it official even though I didn't have the same feelings for him at the time as he did for me. I didn't think things through for my ex just kept implying that we go into a relationship. We talked everyday and every night. It was too much togetherness. I knew the break-up was coming, and I was going to be devastated, but I didn't listen to my instinct. At the end, I ended up being the one getting hurt. Heed Sugar's advice. Figure out what you want in a relationship. If you don't, you're going to get hurt at the end.
whatthew00t whatthew00t 8 years
I went through the same thing. I knew all along that my ex was bad for me for he clearly never respected me and pressured me to a relationship too soon for our comfort and trust levels with each other. But I didn't want to break up with him because I liked the idea of somebody caring for me rather than what I needed and wanted in a relationship. I kept saying "I don't know" or "No" when he said that he wanted to be with me, but he wouldn't listen. So we decided to make it official even though I didn't have the same feelings for him at the time as he did for me. I didn't think things through for my ex just kept implying that we go into a relationship. We talked everyday and every night. It was too much togetherness. I knew the break-up was coming, and I was going to be devastated, but I didn't listen to my instinct. At the end, I ended up being the one getting hurt. Heed Sugar's advice. Figure out what you want in a relationship. If you don't, you're going to get hurt at the end.
vmruby vmruby 8 years
You guys need to take a breather and regroup. Sometimes moving very quickly into a relationship is almost guaranteed to be the death of it.Take some time, sort things out so you can figure out exactly what you do want and expect from your future relationships, and most of all what's going to make you happy. Seriously, until you do you shouldn't get involved with someone else. Good Luck!!!
honeysugar28 honeysugar28 8 years
I think space is a great idea maybe you're just spending too much time toguether and rushing into things. Its normal to have doubts sometimes but you need to figure things out and get in touch with your true feelings not ignore them because you have somebody.
Marci Marci 8 years
Dear hit the nail on the head; you're the only one who really knows how you feel and what you want. The fact that you're dragging your heels in some ways could be an indication that you're not ready for the full blown relationship. I agree with ilove2ski: Do what makes you happy. And only you know what that is.
ilove2ski ilove2ski 8 years
I agree with the advice. Only you can really know. It seems like you maybe moving quickly, if you want to step back and get to know him you can do that, without completely ending things. Do what makes you happy. ..If you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice if you see us on the floor you'll be watchin all night..
ilove2ski ilove2ski 8 years
I agree with the advice. Only you can really know.It seems like you maybe moving quickly, if you want to step back and get to know him you can do that, without completely ending things. Do what makes you happy...If you see us in the club we'll be acting real nice if you see us on the floor you'll be watchin all night..
kendalheart kendalheart 8 years
I think that sugar is right on the money, you really need to ask yourself serious questions and if you find that things are not right, you need to waste his time or yours! good luck
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