I've been with my boyfriend for three and half years, and he's cheated on me more than once in that time. Obviously we have a lot of trust issues, and in this past year our relationship has become even crazier. I've finally decided I need a change. I found someone else who just makes me feel happy; I just wish my boyfriend would do this. The other man I've met is married and has asked me to be serious with him — he wants to leave his wife to be with me. But I don't know what to do. Should I stay with my current boyfriend who treats me like I'm not important, or do I dump him to pursue the other guy who happens to be married? Help me!
— Cheaters Never Prosper Chelsea
To see DearSugar's answer, read more.
Dear Cheaters Never Prosper Chelsea,
You're acting as if there are only two options — stay with your cheating, unloving boyfriend or go for a married man who's willing to leave his family for a woman who's unsure — but that's just not the case. You have the choice to walk away from both men. And in my view, that's by far the best option. It's clear to me that you have some issues that need to be worked through regarding why you're attracted to men who are not available to you, and why you're willing to compromise another woman's relationship even after you've admitted to the invalidation of trust cheating has caused in your own life.
You need some time by yourself to reflect and realize that being alone is far better than letting your life be dictated by unhealthy relationships. There is a wonderful man out there who is neither a cheater nor married, and as you learn to care for yourself emotionally, you'll see that waiting for him is the better option. In the meantime, consider getting a therapist who might be able to provide you with a new perspective on things. It may be difficult, but certainly the rewards will outweigh any short-term upset.