A little over two years ago, when my father was in the hospital, my older sister and I had a horrible fight. Nasty words were exchanged and our argument even turned somewhat physical. I haven't seen or spoken to her since — she has always been a little on the hateful side. This fight has been eating at me and I was thinking about writing a letter to tell her I have forgiven her and to apologize for my part. I have never in my 49 years had a confrontation like this and I don't know if this will stir the pot more. What do you think? — Ready to Forgive Regan
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Dear Ready to Forgive Regan —
Taking the initiative and making the first move to mend your relationship with your sister takes a lot of strength and courage, so you should be very proud of yourself. It sounds like you two went to blows under at an incredibly stressful time so since all this time has passed, I'm sure she is ready to forgive and forget as well.
Writing a letter is a great format to talk. It won't put her on the spot to respond immediately and you can reread what you've written until you've said everything you wanted to say in, and in the right way. Two years is a long time to go without talking to your sister and I'm sure you miss her terribly, so I say go for it Regan. Even if you stir the pot, at least you can breath a sigh of relief because you made an effort to reach out to her, got a chance to apologize for your wrong doing in the situation, and asked for her forgiveness, too. I wish you luck.