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You Asked: Should I Go to His Wedding?

DearSugar --

My ex is getting married. We were together for three years, and it was a bad relationship. And it hurt me when, in the course one month, he moved on, got the girl pregnant, and is now getting married. I'm over him, and I don't hate him, though people say I should. But hate takes up too much energy.

We remain friends, and he's asked me to attend the wedding, but I don't know if it is the right idea. I am leaning towards not going, but I do want to show my support.

Can you help? Accepting Amelia

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Accepting Amelia --

It's both generous and kind of you to want to show support and goodwill toward your ex. I've been to and in many weddings, and the guests frequently include an ex or two. However, in all those cases, a good period time has passed and a good deal of healing has occurred. I sense you are still grieving, but are also resolved and philosophical, Amelia. It seems to me you also have a strong mind and know the relationship couldn't and wouldn't work. I'm afraid that kind of knowledge isn't the same thing as healing, though, and the heart always seems to need time to catch up with our decisions.

A wedding is a celebration and a beginning, and perhaps it is not yet time for you to celebrate with your ex. You can forgive him, and forgive yourself, and that's quite a lot right now. That's an awful lot really, Accepting Amelia. It is not a breach of friendship or support to believe it's not yet time and not yet wise to be a part of this event. A nice letter or card, expressing your encouragement, should be appreciated and understood.

You said you were leaning towards not going, and I think your instincts are looking after you. I trust you to trust yourself with this, Amelia. You've come a long way through something, I suspect. Maybe you can rest for a little while, and give yourself that extra support instead?


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