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You Asked: Should I Be the Good Girl?

Dear Sugar--

My Ex and I just went through an ugly break up - we lived together so it's more like a divorce. I moved out and now we fight over what's mine and what's his. I'm just trying to get past it all, he was horrible to me (lying, cheating, made me feel like I meant nothing). I've been hanging out with one of his friends, and there is definitely attraction there. We haven't gone all the way yet, and it's very tempting...I'm not sure if I want to do it to get back at the ex, or if I'm just plain horny and want to get some action.

There is another guy I've been seeing that I really like too, but he went on a long trip, so I've been forced to be alone (which is fine, I needed it), and I just find myself hanging out with my ex's friend even more. I don't feel bad about it, and neither does he but I'm torn between being the good girl and doing what might be the right thing, and being the newly single girl who says F-it, and enjoys some time in between the sheets. The ex as far as I know has no clue. Help? Has anyone out there been in this situation?

--Torn Tara

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Torn Tara--

I commend you for being mature enough to even think about your Ex's feelings, and whether or not it is socially acceptable to date within his circle for friends although you've already crossed that line, since you have been fooling around. (It doesn't matter that you haven't "gone all the way.")

It sounds like the relationship with your Ex was bad, and the break-up was even worse. How close is this friend with your Ex? Every situation is different, but since you both don't feel bad about what's your doing, I think it's fine to date him if you genuinely have feelings for him, but think about it carefully. If you are doing it just to get back at your Ex or to make him jealous, then it's only going to end up hurting you and your relationship with your Ex's friend more than who your actions are directed at in the first place, not to mention how hurt he will feel about being used by you.

Break-ups are tough, and the idea of being alone is a scary thing, but having some "single" time can really help build up your self-esteem and make you a stronger person. You've got a void in your heart so give it a chance to heal completely before filling it with someone else. Before you get involved in any new relationship, just make sure you're ready for it. Good luck Tara!


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