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You Asked: Should I Have Given him my Number?

Dear Sugar--
I just got into the dating cycle and a few months ago, I was at a diner and this cute man in a surgeon's uniform came up to me and wanted my phone number. He told me he was an anesthesiologist at a nearby hospital and was there for lunch. I was (and still am) skeptical about giving my phone number to strangers even if they are cute. So instead, I gave him my email address and was really hoping he would email me. I told my friend that and he thought it was equivalent to a rejection. My friend was right, he never emailed.


Is there any other way besides getting his business card and me calling him? And if that is the only way, how long do I wait before calling him? --Disappointed Deirdre

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Disappointed Deirdre
I don't blame you for not wanting to give your phone number to just any man who asks for it, but I have to disagree with your friend-- offering your e-mail instead of your number is not the equivalent to a rejection. In this day and age, some people's only form of communication is via the Internet. How long ago did you give this man your e-mail? Could you be prematurely assuming the worst?

I think it is perfectly acceptable for you to ask for his number the next time you meet an eligible bachelor. I would stay away from asking for his business card though, as that can be quite an impersonal exchange. I am sure you have heard about the "three day rule," but if you want to avoid playing games right off the bat, call him whenever you feel confident and secure, regardless if it is the next day or four days later. Remember, guys have insecurities too, and if they are interested in you, chances are they'll be excited that you are taking the initiative and calling them.

As hard as it is to not take it personally when a guy doesn't call you Disappointed Deirdre, try to remember that it just means you haven't found your match yet. Since you are new to the dating scene, take your time and use this as an opportunity to explore yourself and the types of men you enjoy surrounding yourself with. Remember, the most important thing to do is have fun! Good luck.

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smith3 smith3 9 years
Surely in this day and age an e-mail is fine as an alternative to a phone number. If he's so into game-playing as to read it as a brush-off it's his loss!
tifygodess24 tifygodess24 9 years
I think giving out a cell phone number is fine. When I first met my husband thats what I gave him and look we have been married for 8 years :) I wouldnt give out my home number though its easier to find out a lot more info with that. Dont be scared to take a chance though , you never know who you may find (just always be careful :) )
guytalker guytalker 9 years
You have GOT to be kidding. Any self respecting guy KNOWS that when he asks for a woman's number and she replies by asking him for his instead that she is blowing him off.
muchacha muchacha 9 years
I think e-mail is a good way to go, or if you're super confident, get his number and call him.
Marci Marci 9 years
I hate to sound like anyone's mother, but if a guy is really interested, he'll get in touch with you however he's able. If he really wanted to get together and all he had was an email, he would've taken used it as a way of getting in touch. But in general, I don't think there's anything wrong with giving out just an email address to a perfect stranger - or your cell number if you want to.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
When I lived in NYC I bought these great little cards at Kate's Paperie that said call me with a line to write your number on. You don't have to give a home number I only give out my work or cell.
blogsap blogsap 9 years
i don't see anything wrong with giving out an email instead of a phone number. you're worth the effort!
grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 9 years
I wouldn't have given a stranger my # either! Just because he's a surgeon (or LOOKS like one)doesn't mean he's not some weirdo! I think he was LUCKY you gave him your e-mail and if he doesn't contact you, consider it his loss. Would you really want to be involved with a surgeon anyway? He'd be working long stressful hours and probably has hardly anytime to devote to social activities.
Deba Deba 9 years
Or what I always used to do was give me yours and I'll call you.
Deba Deba 9 years
I would have done exactly the same thing. I think there is nothing wrong in giving your email.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
I dunno...I mean, the guy just walked up to you and was like, "I want your number?" That sounds kind of freaky to me. I would think that a SENSIBLE man would try to stir up a conversation of some sort first to develop some type of comfort level. Sounds like he was a little bit too agressive there...maybe he embarassed himself and that's why he hasn't emailed you.
andaman andaman 9 years
Dearsugar is right don't be afraid to give your number out if you think he's seriously cute!
andaman andaman 9 years
I think if he feels that way then too bad. He should have been able to deal with his own insecurities a bit more. Why can't email you? A little bit of chasing doesn't do any harm!
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