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You Asked: Should I Keep Waiting?

Dear Sugar,

A year ago, I met the most perfect man online. Ever since then, not a day has not gone by that we don’t talk to each other. We have even discussed me moving to his city so we can be closer. His ex broke up with him over two years ago, and he is still dealing with some of those issues. He assures me that he is over her and is ready to be in another relationship, but he wants to take things very slow.

About three months after we started talking, I gave him my phone number, and to my surprise, he was not willing to give me his. His birthday was last month and I asked for his address so I could send him a card. He wasn't willing to give me that either (even though he has mine). I tried to make plans to see him recently, and he said that he still wasn't ready. We have grown extremely close over the past year, and I know he is not seeing anyone else; we are very loyal to each other.

It’s very frustrating that I can't call him when I want to — he blocks his number so I can't see it. He recently started seeing a counselor because I told him that I wasn't sure how long I was going to wait for him since I am so young (I am 24, he is 28). I care for him deeply, but I am starting to think I am wasting my time. Should I continue to wait for him, or move on?

—Waiting Patiently Pasha

To see Dear Sugar's answer


Dear Waiting Patiently Pasha,

It sounds like you’re getting some pretty big mixed signals from this man. On one hand, he’s contacting you every day for a year and tells you that he wants to make a possible relationship work, while on the other hand he won’t let you call him or visit him — sounds a little fishy to me. In this situation, I would turn to that old stand-by we were taught in grade school: actions speak louder than words. He may be saying a lot of really great things, but it doesn’t sound like he’s anywhere near emotionally capable enough to act on them. In fact, it sounds like he might have some serious control issues.

If I were you, I’d let him know that you can’t continue your relationship as it is right now. While the idea of letting go might seem really hard, holding onto something that's not there will be even harder in the long run. This sounds like a very one-sided relationship and you’re far too young to be holding out for someone who won’t show the same devotion in return.


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