I have been married for 11 years, and my husband admitted to me three weeks ago that he's been sleeping with a girl that he worked with. I am hurt and very upset and don't know if I can trust him again. I gave him a ultimatum and he chose me, but I have a gut feeling that they are still in contact with each other. I check his phone to see if they talk, but he always deletes his call history. I don't know if I should end my marriage. When he told me about them sleeping together, he said he deeply regretted it and would never do it again. He also told me that it only happened once, but I don't believe him.
We've been together for 16 years and have two grown kids together. I just don't know what to do. Should I confront the other woman or just leave things alone? I've suggested seeing a marriage counselor, but he refuses. I don't know where to go from here. — Desperate Dede
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Dear Desperate Dede,
It's pretty clear that you don't trust your husband, and I don't blame you after hearing about his actions. Our gut instincts are a very powerful tool so if yours are telling you that he's still seeing this woman, he probably is. His shady behavior is not acceptable, but only you know if leaving him is the right decision.
The fact that he's opposed to seeing a marriage counselor leads me to believe he's still carrying on this affair. I'm sure you love your husband, Dede, but do you love him enough to be in an unhappy marriage? If the answer is no, you need to take immediate action. Cheating is not OK and he needs to know that there are consequences to his actions. If you have someplace you can stay for a while, I suggest you move out. Let him know that you're serious and not afraid to stand up for yourself.
If you want to fight for you marriage to work, you have to make sure he's willing to fight as well. Without trust and respect, you really don't have much of a relationship, so communicate your feelings, ask him to do the same, and hopefully you'll figure out your next step sooner than later. I wish you luck.