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You Asked: Should I Let This Sleeping Dog Lie?

Dear Sugar,
I have been with my boyfriend a little over two years. On Feb. 14 of this year, we got engaged. Prior to the engagement, we discussed having another child — we each came into the relationship with one. He gave into my desires and said we could try at some point. After our engagement, we weren't trying, but weren't not trying and I got pregnant, quickly. He freaked and said some horrible things. He tried to force an abortion on me and got mad when I refused. He then went back and forth saying he would be there for us, but then told me it was over.

We haven't seen each other in over a month and we rarely talk, but when we do, he's cold and heartless, insisting he wants nothing to do with the baby. He says that we would have "been fine" had I not "gone against his wishes and gotten pregnant." My question to you is, should I just let this sleeping dog lie and let him sign away his paternal rights when the baby is born (as he wishes), or should I try to pursue this relationship? — At a Loss Annabelle

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Dear At a Loss Annabelle,

As hard as it might be to walk away from the man you love, I happen to think it's your only option. We all know it takes two to tango, so if you're weren't using protection, it was obviously just a matter of time before you got pregnant. With that said, if he was truly against the idea of having another child, he should have been doing his part (wearing a condom) to avoid this situation.

When people take wedding vows, they commit to love and honor their partner from that day forward. Since you are engaged to take such vows, it's pretty clear from his actions that it was just a matter of time before a breakup ensued. I have to say I'm pretty shocked by his intense anger toward you, so something tells me there's more to this story. Whether or not there is, he doesn't sound like a man you want to be with, or someone you want to father your child. His abusive words are cruel and undeserving (from this vantage point), so I say let the dog sleep and walk away.

Since you don't know what the future holds, I'd hold off on taking away his parental rights legally, but I strongly urge you not to pursue this relationship. Keep your distance and take care of yourself and the baby. If he continues these tirades once the baby is born, I'd advise you to take 100 percent guardianship of your child — the well-being of your family should far outweigh a potential relationship with this man who has made it very clear that he doesn't want to be with you. I wish you luck.


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