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You Asked: Should I Lose My Virginity?

Dear Sugar--

I'm 17 years old and I've been with this guy for about six weeks. I like him and I trust him, and I'm physically and mentally ready to have sex but a part of me is anxious because I've been hurt in the past. Although I feel safe with him and know he will treat me with respect during and after, he does shady things sometimes [not calling, etc], and I'm not sure if he's as into me as I'm into him.

I am a little bit scared that I will end up regretting losing my virginity to him. What should I think about before committing to sleeping with him, and what should I make sure he knows about me before I take this step with him?

--Should I do it Shayna

To see DEARSUGAR’s answer

Dear Should I do it Shayna--

I can not stress this enough – LISTEN to your gut!! Some part of you feels that losing your virginity with this guy is NOT a good idea so listen to your instincts. There may be a lot of reasons why you feel like you should do it – maybe all your friends are doing it, maybe you’re feeling pressured by this guy or your friends (or yourself), maybe you’re ready to take this next step in your relationship – but if some part of you has doubts – DON’T do it.

You are only 17 and many people wait much longer to lose their virginity. The thing is, you don’t want to do it just for the sake of doing it, because let me tell you something – you'll probably end up regretting that you did it with a jerk who stopped calling you as soon as he got what he wanted.

Sex is more than just a physical act, especially for women. It’s an emotional connection that you make with someone that you love. It’s the closest two people can be with each other and your first time should be special. It should be with someone you trust completely, someone who loves you, and someone you feel comfortable with. If I were you, I’d save myself for someone that you feel 100% sure about. It will mean so much more in the long run. Good luck, and whatever you decide to do, please make sure you're safe.

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Venus1 Venus1 6 years
I was 15 (he was a few months older), it was over 15 years ago and it was right for me and I never saw it as a big deal, I was happy.. BUT we are all so different and you must do what feels right for you, if you are questioning it then I think that speaks for itself. Good luck and take care. x
pinaywriter pinaywriter 7 years
I lost mine when I was 17 and I knew somehow that it was just because I was curious and wanted it out of the way. These are the worst kinds of reasons for you to loose your virginity. I deluded myself that it was because I love the guy. But in hindsight I didn't. Although he was my boyfriend for a year I realize now that it was not a relationship that was healthy and I just stayed because I lost my virginity to him. So don't make that same mistake. They are two you would have to live with. You will always remember the first and whether you like it or not it will be your yardstick. So best make it with someone you want to remember for the rest of your life.
pinaywriter pinaywriter 7 years
I lost mine when I was 17 and I knew somehow that it was just because I was curious and wanted it out of the way. These are the worst kinds of reasons for you to loose your virginity. I deluded myself that it was because I love the guy. But in hindsight I didn't. Although he was my boyfriend for a year I realize now that it was not a relationship that was healthy and I just stayed because I lost my virginity to him. So don't make that same mistake. They are two you would have to live with. You will always remember the first and whether you like it or not it will be your yardstick. So best make it with someone you want to remember for the rest of your life.
Frank-y-Ava Frank-y-Ava 7 years
i think 6 weeks is nothing, u barely know him. ID i just think u should wait.!!
SandraWong SandraWong 8 years
Noooooooo!! You said he's shady You said it yourself Plus it's only been SIX weeks Not SIX YEARS!!! I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we are still virgins I'm proud of that really
SandraWong SandraWong 8 years
Noooooooo!!You said he's shadyYou said it yourselfPlus it's only been SIX weeksNot SIX YEARS!!!I've been with my boyfriend for almost 4 years and we are still virginsI'm proud of that really
ThePerfectScore ThePerfectScore 8 years
I Agree with everyone... It's obvious you are having doubts so wait and see if you get to a point where you have no doubts about him and you won't regret it. I'm with a guy who from the beginning has hinted on having sex and I'm 18 and altho I am fully capable of having sex with him I figure I've waited this long so I might as well wait until I am 100% sure he is the man I want to give my virginity to. Remember your Virginity is a one shot thing... so don't cheapen it by just giving it away to a guy cuz you are infatuated with him.
glynislily glynislily 8 years
I agree with everyone here that said it is a good idea to wait. Six weeks may feel like a long time but that is barely anytime at all. I am 24 years old and am still a virgin. I have been in several relationships, many of them lasting over a year and still didn't feel it was time. I think you should wait and be in the relationship longer before going for it. I have never heard any of my friends regret not having sex with some one but they usually end up regretting having sex with people there were not so sure about.
glynislily glynislily 8 years
I agree with everyone here that said it is a good idea to wait. Six weeks may feel like a long time but that is barely anytime at all. I am 24 years old and am still a virgin. I have been in several relationships, many of them lasting over a year and still didn't feel it was time.I think you should wait and be in the relationship longer before going for it. I have never heard any of my friends regret not having sex with some one but they usually end up regretting having sex with people there were not so sure about.
Princess-Rebecca Princess-Rebecca 8 years
Then don't and wait a bit longer...
seimosiev seimosiev 8 years
No one has ever said they were sorry they waited. I, on the other hand, and I'm sure many others would agree, am sorry that I did not wait longer.
venemia07 venemia07 8 years
Well, if ur questioning it and doubting it then your obiusly not ready.... trust me don't do it, ul regret it later, and I don't want u to do it then afterwards feel like "crap I shudnt have done it" trust me itl be worth the wait, u shud wait until ur with someone who truly loves u, and feels the same 4 u as u to them, there shudnt be any rush to have sex. Why the rush? Wehn you have like 90+ years to have sex... ur only 17........ but do what ur heart and gut tell u, if u doubt it or are questioning it, then DON'T DO IT, u will regret it later on :)
allenorton allenorton 8 years
shayna,i agree with everyone else up there, but it might help if you hear it from someone (almost) your own age; i'm 18, AND a virgin, and will stay that way until i'm at least engaged. I'm in a very serious relationship. I told my boyfriend from the beginning that i wanted to wait to have sex. i didn't give him a specific time but as the relationship went on we both decided it would be best to wait until we have committed ourselves to each other for life. i haven't had sex, and i've only dated 3 other people, but i did fool around with them and i wish i hadn't even done that because i wish that only the person i loved had seen those parts of me (and vice-versa!) and believe me, there are a few things you can do to hold yourselves over until you are ready. i'm a firm believer in waiting until engagement/marriage to have sex, but if you can't hold off until then, at least wait until you are a legal adult (not just the age of consent) because you are still under your parents' rules and i seriously doubt they would encourage you to have sex.and, a tip for keeping yourself from having sex (if you are mature enough to control yourself, if you're not, then BE SAFE!) is just don't buy condoms! the way we see it, if there are no condoms around, we can't have sex. but when the time is right, PLEASE make sure you have one on hand.Good luck making the decision that's right for you.
allenorton allenorton 8 years
shayna, i agree with everyone else up there, but it might help if you hear it from someone (almost) your own age; i'm 18, AND a virgin, and will stay that way until i'm at least engaged. I'm in a very serious relationship. I told my boyfriend from the beginning that i wanted to wait to have sex. i didn't give him a specific time but as the relationship went on we both decided it would be best to wait until we have committed ourselves to each other for life. i haven't had sex, and i've only dated 3 other people, but i did fool around with them and i wish i hadn't even done that because i wish that only the person i loved had seen those parts of me (and vice-versa!) and believe me, there are a few things you can do to hold yourselves over until you are ready. i'm a firm believer in waiting until engagement/marriage to have sex, but if you can't hold off until then, at least wait until you are a legal adult (not just the age of consent) because you are still under your parents' rules and i seriously doubt they would encourage you to have sex. and, a tip for keeping yourself from having sex (if you are mature enough to control yourself, if you're not, then BE SAFE!) is just don't buy condoms! the way we see it, if there are no condoms around, we can't have sex. but when the time is right, PLEASE make sure you have one on hand. Good luck making the decision that's right for you.
sexyeyes sexyeyes 8 years
Are you kidding me?????You're 17 and you only know this kid for 6 weeks... You shouldn't even be asking this type of question when you know the answer to it! :oy: and if you do need for people to tell you the answer is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO.That's going to be a waste of your time when you could find a guy who's going to love you and respect you b/c he's only looking to get lade and that's it! Don't you get it!What 17 year old kid is going to fall in love with you in 6 weeks... Grow up!
sexyeyes sexyeyes 8 years
Are you kidding me????? You're 17 and you only know this kid for 6 weeks... You shouldn't even be asking this type of question when you know the answer to it! :oy: and if you do need for people to tell you the answer is NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That's going to be a waste of your time when you could find a guy who's going to love you and respect you b/c he's only looking to get lade and that's it! Don't you get it! What 17 year old kid is going to fall in love with you in 6 weeks... Grow up!
nicachica nicachica 8 years
have any of the above posters said it was a good idea??? that would be a resounding NO! we all speak from experience (or non-experience) and i think we can all agree that if you are not comfortable doing something, then DON'T DO IT! i know it's easier said then done, so try not to put yourself in situations where you'll be tempted to do it. that means, try going out on group dates, going to the movies and hanging out at home when your parents are there. there will be a lot less temptation if you're in public or around your parents!
nicachica nicachica 8 years
have any of the above posters said it was a good idea??? that would be a resounding NO! we all speak from experience (or non-experience) and i think we can all agree that if you are not comfortable doing something, then DON'T DO IT! i know it's easier said then done, so try not to put yourself in situations where you'll be tempted to do it. that means, try going out on group dates, going to the movies and hanging out at home when your parents are there. there will be a lot less temptation if you're in public or around your parents!
junebrug junebrug 8 years
I made a guy wait two years before I lost my virginity to him. And it was still a huge mistake and he turned out to be someone I didn't know he was. I would wait if I were you. Things will get pretty crazy in college, but you don't have to have sex even then. Better to wait for someone you trust.
auddie auddie 8 years
Like everyone else said, wait until you are truly ready. You will know when you are really ready. And don't pay attention to the pressure you may feel from friends or peers. Losing your virginity is not a competition and there is no one right time. It's a personal thing and different for everyone. The people that may call you a prude are not worth your time and energy caring about them.
auddie auddie 8 years
Like everyone else said, wait until you are truly ready. You will know when you are really ready.And don't pay attention to the pressure you may feel from friends or peers. Losing your virginity is not a competition and there is no one right time. It's a personal thing and different for everyone. The people that may call you a prude are not worth your time and energy caring about them.
miss-matilda miss-matilda 8 years
if you have to ask the question. Then you are not ready. It really is that simple.
lisett lisett 8 years
DOn't, it's only been 6 weeks, wait until it's a full commitments from the both of you.
oklahoma oklahoma 8 years
i was the same age when i lost my vrgnity.. the same situation.. just do it already, i thought.. then when i met my husband, right after i dumped my first lay, i was sad that i couldn't share that great thing w/ him.. just make sure this guy is worth it.. i was still able to enjoy new sexual experiences w/ my husband, like being on top, orgasm.. etc. but it would have been nice to just have him as my first as well. i met him at age 18. just right after i had slept w/ that other douche for the first time.. think aobut it.
Chica8a Chica8a 8 years
if you have to ask then yeah uummmmmmmm no dont make the mistake! wait a lil longer until you know for sure.
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