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You Asked: Should I Move on?




Dear Sugar --

I have been in a sexual relationship with this guy but we won't turn it into a real relationship although he says I love you. I have deep feelings for this guy. I want to be with him but I don't think he wants to be with me. Do I leave him and find a real relationship or could I stay and try to make it into a relationship? -- Hoping for the Best Beth

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Hoping for the Best Beth --

You say "we" won't turn your relationship into a "real relationship," but it's pretty clear that it is actually him that is putting on the breaks here. The tricky thing about having a friends with benefits relationship is that one person always gets hurt. Although he says he loves you, we all know that actions speak louder than words.

Have you talked to him about wanting to take your relationship to the next level? Men are not mind readers so ask for what you want. If he is still hesitant to make a commitment to you, unfortunately you're going to have to accept his decision and move on to find a man that you can have a "real relationship" with. Good luck to you.

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kelleylocke kelleylocke 8 years
If he hasn't made an attempt to make the relationship into an actual relationship but says "I love you" makes me think he's not ready for an actual relationship and isn't the type of guy you'd want to be in one with. For your piece of mind and long term happiness - move on.
DaddysDarlin DaddysDarlin 8 years
For your sake move on. Why in the world would you want to waste your time on someone who is unwilling to commit to you? I can tell you that this behavior will not change. What are you waiting around for? You can and will do better, there is someone out there for you, take this as notice that the man you are currently with isn't willing to be with only you. Sometimes we find it scary as women to just let go and move on. It is a scary thing to do believe me, I've had to do it three times now. I am 50 years old and believe me it is never too late to start your life over, people change all the time, we must be willing to make the changes that life is offering us.
DaddysDarlin DaddysDarlin 8 years
For your sake move on. Why in the world would you want to waste your time on someone who is unwilling to commit to you?I can tell you that this behavior will not change. What are you waiting around for? You can and will do better, there is someone out there for you, take this as notice that the man you are currently with isn't willing to be with only you. Sometimes we find it scary as women to just let go and move on. It is a scary thing to do believe me, I've had to do it three times now.I am 50 years old and believe me it is never too late to start your life over, people change all the time, we must be willing to make the changes that life is offering us.
getstinko getstinko 8 years
so just f*** buddies, damn he's working it. you should put it out there one time - that you think you want more, see how he reacts. If he gets freaked, it's time to close your legs (and mouth) and consider better options. There are men in this world (as a man I know this) who will try to keep you in this f* buddies mode as long as possible. Take back your power and control it.
DaughterWar DaughterWar 8 years
Move on. You have a better chance at finding what you're looking for rather than wait for something that isn't gonna happen. In my personal opinion, I Love You is worth less than nothing coming from a booty call. Best of luck to you chica.^_^
Danigirl77 Danigirl77 8 years
Girl MOVE ON!!!!!!! I know it hard... and I know you think there is a future... but he has everything he wants from you. Seriously.... I'm not judging because I have totally been there and it weren't for me actually waking up and snapping out of I would still be in the rut. You are good enough to have sex with but not good enough to make a girl friend. Of course he gonna say he loves you... thats to string you along... because sex is sex and no man is going to mess up easy sex. Right. But let me tell you ... you are better than this... You deserve someone who wants to be you boyfriend and really love you... Really. It was the best move I ever did. Don't ask, cause if he wanted it he would tell you. A good read that I recommend is HE'S JUST NOT THAT INTO YOU....
7kimba7 7kimba7 8 years
He tells you "I love you" but it isn't a relationship... it sounds like he's winning on both ends. I had a friend who was in this situation, and let me tell you, he effed her over. Make it official or make it over.
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 8 years
I'd try talking to him about it, and if he's still not receptive, then slowly phase him out- this means, no more sex. Guys are weird about commitment, and if he's not willing to make it, then move on. You deserve some time to yourself, and then look for someone else. If he drops back into your life, then try for a relationship- this means, don't hop right back into bed with him. I don't mean that in a bad way- I just mean try not to slip back into the old "FWB" routine. So wait at least a month before getting too intimate again. You never know- he may realize that he really does have feelings once he sees you're moving on with your life, and that he wants you in his. Good luck- having your own life and being happy may be the push he needs. Guys can be dense like that- 'tis the nature of the beast. Or he may just be a tool. In that case, you can do better.
Beastiegirl5 Beastiegirl5 8 years
I'd try talking to him about it, and if he's still not receptive, then slowly phase him out- this means, no more sex. Guys are weird about commitment, and if he's not willing to make it, then move on. You deserve some time to yourself, and then look for someone else.If he drops back into your life, then try for a relationship- this means, don't hop right back into bed with him. I don't mean that in a bad way- I just mean try not to slip back into the old "FWB" routine. So wait at least a month before getting too intimate again. You never know- he may realize that he really does have feelings once he sees you're moving on with your life, and that he wants you in his.Good luck- having your own life and being happy may be the push he needs. Guys can be dense like that- 'tis the nature of the beast. Or he may just be a tool. In that case, you can do better.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
Personally I wouldn't waste my time. If what you want is a "real relationship" - you might miss a better opportunity by sticking in this dead end relationship. I would lay it out for this current guy, telling him exactly what you want. But in doing so be prepared for it to be your break up speech - if he doesn't agree with taking it to the next level then go without regrets.
blingbling blingbling 8 years
Personally I wouldn't waste my time. If what you want is a "real relationship" - you might miss a better opportunity by sticking in this dead end relationship. I would lay it out for this current guy, telling him exactly what you want. But in doing so be prepared for it to be your break up speech - if he doesn't agree with taking it to the next level then go without regrets.
lolany lolany 8 years
Try the talk, but if he doesn't respond then move on. Our time here on this planet is really rather short. Every minute of every day counts, so don't waste that on someone who isn't ready to invest his time an effort into you. Unless he changes, you will feel drained and bitter in no time soon. Best of Luck!
KACIEJPC KACIEJPC 8 years
Do whatever your heart is honestly (that being the key word) tells you to do. It sounds like you are already having doubts, always trust your first mind.
CeliaAgnes CeliaAgnes 8 years
go go go go go go go he has his cake and hes eaaaaaating it up. be strong girl! get what you want and deserve. if he cant give it to you, dont wait. xoxoxoxo
CeliaAgnes CeliaAgnes 8 years
go go go go go go go he has his cake and hes eaaaaaating it up. be strong girl! get what you want and deserve. if he cant give it to you, dont wait. xoxoxoxo
Sofiababy Sofiababy 8 years
i dont think that if you have sex with someone before you two are official it kills any chances of there being a relationship.. i DO however believe if he wanted you exclusively he would have made that clear by now. if you guys have been intimate in the bedroom, it pretty much nixes the idea of him being "shy" about wanting to claim you for himself. i think the most important thing here is the vibe you're getting from him-- you dont think he wants more. i think in this situation the best thing you can do is be bold and give an ultimatem, i would flat out say "this has been fun but honey, but im not settling for something that isnt going anywhere" or suggest that some one promising has come up and if he doesnt make a move then, trust me he never will. the truth is you CAN get fun from any where and any one, but you shouldnt settle for JUST that.
beautiful1nes beautiful1nes 8 years
I agree with tabloidprincess I think you will only hurt more, but I think it also depends on how long you've been together? Maybe he does love you and wants you he just doesn't know when the times ready? Maybe try to talk to him and find out whats wrong it could be a personal issue. I wish you the best!
tabloidprincess tabloidprincess 8 years
don't try to make this in to a relationship. You will only hurt more
cheezieeo cheezieeo 8 years
What poizenisxkandee said is true,<i> " When he says he loves you, he might be doing that to keep you around, or it's code for "i love what youre doing for me". you know?"</i>In my opinion, you should talk to him about this issue and if he does not feel the same way as you, you should find someone else who is waaaay better. And if he still continue telling you that he loves you without wanting to commit, I hope you wouldn't play the waiting game just for his sake.All the best!
cheezieeo cheezieeo 8 years
What poizenisxkandee said is true, " When he says he loves you, he might be doing that to keep you around, or it's code for "i love what youre doing for me". you know?" In my opinion, you should talk to him about this issue and if he does not feel the same way as you, you should find someone else who is waaaay better. And if he still continue telling you that he loves you without wanting to commit, I hope you wouldn't play the waiting game just for his sake. All the best!
NdHebert NdHebert 8 years
How can you turn it into a relationship at this point?In a relationship there must be respect for the other person. Honestly if you have been sleeping with a man for some time, I dont think he can respect you on that level.Try to date a man and make him wait a long time before you have sex with him. You will be treated, and respected a completely different way.Everyone deserves to be 100% happy, and we are in control of that happiness! If he wants to be in a relationship, and everything is great, then thats fabulous! If he doesnt, but wants to continue having sex with you, will that make you happy inside? No! Find someone that will!Be Happy!
NdHebert NdHebert 8 years
How can you turn it into a relationship at this point? In a relationship there must be respect for the other person. Honestly if you have been sleeping with a man for some time, I dont think he can respect you on that level. Try to date a man and make him wait a long time before you have sex with him. You will be treated, and respected a completely different way. Everyone deserves to be 100% happy, and we are in control of that happiness! If he wants to be in a relationship, and everything is great, then thats fabulous! If he doesnt, but wants to continue having sex with you, will that make you happy inside? No! Find someone that will! Be Happy!
poizenisxkandee poizenisxkandee 8 years
I am agreeing with what was said about the friends with benefits thing; but the main point of that is friends with benefits is an arrangement, not a "real relationship". If that's all you put yourself out there for, that's all you'll get. That wasn't meant to be rude or disrespectful to you, but it is what it is. Guys are easy to understand. They take what they are given, and sometimes they take it for granted. If you put yourself to him as someone he can have sexual relations with but didn't bother with the whole commitment and connecting thing early on, it's almost guaranteed all he wants is the sex and that's what he'll take. When he says he loves you, he might be doing that to keep you around, or it's code for "i love what youre doing for me". you know?
LolaKat LolaKat 8 years
Move on when you're ready to. Relationships rarely stay in the same "place". They either get better or get worse. Make a decision to stay or go when it's healthy for you. good luck!
LolaKat LolaKat 8 years
Move on when you're ready to. Relationships rarely stay in the same "place". They either get better or get worse. Make a decision to stay or go when it's healthy for you. good luck!
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