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You Asked: Should I Move for Love?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend of a year and a half is moving five hours away in less than a week for an awesome job in a small mountain town helping run the huge ski resort. It’s an amazing opportunity for him, and he’s been so happy since he got the job, but he didn’t invite me to move with him. Understandably, my job in Los Angeles is going really well and I know he wouldn’t want me to stifle that by moving up there with him. He said we can reevaluate living apart once he is settled in at his new job and life, but it’s so hard! It would be one thing if it was a two-hour drive, but five hours is a completely different story. I just don’t know what I’m going to do. I don’t know how I’m going to be able to go from living five blocks away from him, spending nearly every night together, to living five HOURS away from one another. We will likely only see each other once or twice per month.

He is committed to me and honestly does love me a lot. I know I could eventually move there if the long distance relationship works, but in the meantime, it almost hurts as bad as if we were breaking up! What can I do to ease the pain of this about-to-be-long-distance-relationship? Do you think it’s right for me not to move with him, or is love the most important thing over my career? I don’t want to lose him! Does “absence make the heart grow fonder”? Or is it “Out of sight, out of mind”? — Already Lonely Lynette

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Already Lonely Lynette,

It sounds like this move was pretty abrupt so it's going to take some time to get used to the idea that your boyfriend's going to be far away. I am sure it hurts that he is leaving, but the fact that he didn't ask you to go with him must make it even harder.

I am so glad to hear that you haven't lost faith in your relationship, so try to stay focused on looking forward to seeing him as often as you can. Plan some trips to visit him and vice versa, even meeting half way so you can see each other more often. Since you have been dating for over a year and a half, use this time to reevaluate your relationship. This could be a great way to realize if you are meant to be together for the long haul.

Every relationship is different, but from the sounds of it, out of sight out of mind isn't something you should worry about. Your boyfriend's desire to want to be settled in his job and his home before you move out is totally reasonable. Distance can absolutely make the heart grow fonder, but at the end of the day, you're going to have to make the decision if moving for love is what's most important to you. Good luck and I hope this transition goes smoothly for both of you.


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