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You Asked: Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Dear Sugar,

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over four years. We've made it through a lot of obstacles together, and I love him dearly. We recently hit a plateau and have broken up several times in the last few months. It's been a rocky road lately, and I go back and forth daily about whether or not to stay. He is a great guy and treats me like a princess, but it seems lately like our entire relationship is an uphill battle that we aren't winning.

For a very long time, I mentioned to him that things needed to change and he ignored it. Then we took a break and suddenly he's changed, but at this point it almost feels like too little to late. I used to have a huge sex drive and always wanted him to touch me and kiss me but now, it's the exact opposite. Is this relationship salvageable? Is there anything I can do to fix this?

— On the Fence Olivia

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Dear On the Fence Olivia,

Four years is a long time to spend with someone only to walk away, so I completely understand your hesitancy on deciding whether or not to stay in this relationship. Since you don't mention any specifics about the things that "needed to change," I'll assume that they're a variety of issues that came down to you not getting your needs met. This happens in many relationships and it can cause one person to find the satisfaction of those needs in other places. It's likely that in the time he'd been promising to change with no evidence of such, you had been distancing yourself emotionally. Now that he's made the changes you're unable to close that space that's been created, thus creating that too-little-too-late sensation.

That said if you walk away from something without certainty you may be left with feelings of doubt or worse, regret. If your boyfriend really has changed, I'd give him the benefit of the doubt and try reinvesting yourself in the relationship. If in a few months time you're still feeling the same way or your boyfriend has reverted to his old self, then at least you'll know that you gave it a last try. I hope it all works out.


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