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You Asked: Should I Stay With Someone I Don't Love?

You Asked: Should I Stay With Someone I Don't Love?

Dear Sugar,

A few months ago, I got out of a long-term relationship and started dating again. After the breakup, a lot of my friends chose to side with my ex over me, and I have had increasing financial and professional problems ever since. Under all of this stress, I started going out with my current boyfriend. He is smart, good looking, funny, and generally a perfect guy to date. At first I would get all the fireworks feelings when I was with him, but by now I just don't know if I'm ever going to be in love with him.

Usually by this point in a relationship I would have fallen head over heels, but I just don't feel that way. We talked about this yesterday, and he feels the same way I do. I really do enjoy his company, love spending time with him, and appreciate having someone here for me at a rough time in my life. Should I continue to date him and just enjoy the time we spend together, or should I leave and really search for my true love?

— Not in Love Leslie

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Dear Not in Love Leslie,

If you really are looking for your true love, then staying in a relationship with a man you're confident you will never be in love with doesn't make much sense to me. It's great to hear that you've both shared your feelings on this topic and remain open with each other regarding your intentions. Obviously you're in need of a friend right now, and it sounds like this guy might just be the perfect friend for you. If he's willing, I would suggest taking a step back from dating and focus on what could be a really great friendship.

When we meet new people, it's normal to put them into a certain category — friend, foe, acquaintance, romantic interest, etc. — and once they're there, it's hard to move them around. But just as sometimes a friend turns out to be something more, a love interest can be a better buddy than significant other. With that thought, don't simply use him for companionship in the meantime, but take this opportunity to build something you both can rely on in the future.


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