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You Asked: Should I Tell Him About My Plastic Surgery?

Dear Sugar,

This past Summer, I finally took the plunge and had a nose job. It wasn't anything too drastic — I just removed the bump I had always hated — and though most people cannot pinpoint what's so different about me, I feel like it has made a huge impact on my self-esteem. I have only told my closest friends and nobody else has asked.

So my question is really about my new boyfriend. He didn't know me before I had the rhinoplasty so is it something that I should tell him, or is it one of those things that doesn't really matter? I don't know why, but I have the urge to tell him as this was a big life-altering experience for me. But I don't want to give him the wrong impression — I'm not a vain person by any means. What do you think? — Wanting to Confess Carry

To see DearSugar's answer

.

Dear Wanting to Confess Carry,

Whether you're for or against plastic surgery, it's a personal decision that you should not be ashamed of. Clearly it did wonders for your self-esteem, so while I understand that you don't want to shout this news from the rooftops. If you have an urge to tell your boyfriend, I say go for it — after all, he'll probably figure it out sooner than later as old photos don't lie!

Yes, plastic surgery often comes with negative stigmas, but if your boyfriend is going to judge you for doing something for yourself, he might just not be the guy for you. Good luck!

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kristyy kristyy 6 years
If you feel the urge to tell him, then do so. It's not a big deal. He'll eventually see your old photos and may ask you why you would hide something like that from him, especially if it has made you a more confident person - which is who he is with right now. There is nothing to be ashamed of, since you didn't completely become someone else (your friends didn't even notice!). But if seeing the change made you feel better, what's wrong with that? It's like women wearing make-up - it makes us feel better thinking we look better.
kristyy kristyy 6 years
If you feel the urge to tell him, then do so. It's not a big deal. He'll eventually see your old photos and may ask you why you would hide something like that from him, especially if it has made you a more confident person - which is who he is with right now. There is nothing to be ashamed of, since you didn't completely become someone else (your friends didn't even notice!). But if seeing the change made you feel better, what's wrong with that? It's like women wearing make-up - it makes us feel better thinking we look better.
Marci Marci 6 years
I don't see it as a big deal, either. Besides, if your relationship is going to have any real chance at going any distance, you can't have secrets. I don't think I'd present is as a BIG CONFESSION, but at some point, a conversation might naturally allow for it to be mentioned. And if you're happy with the results, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Marci Marci 6 years
I don't see it as a big deal, either. Besides, if your relationship is going to have any real chance at going any distance, you can't have secrets. I don't think I'd present is as a BIG CONFESSION, but at some point, a conversation might naturally allow for it to be mentioned. And if you're happy with the results, who cares what anyone else thinks?
Spectra Spectra 6 years
I would probably tell him...what can it hurt? If he thinks it's a horrendously bad decision, then he probably isn't the guy for you. I would think that he'd probably be supportive of your decision though...it IS your body after all.
a-million-suns a-million-suns 6 years
It seems like something you feel like you should tell him, so you probably should. No use keeping secrets. Some people have a lot of preconceived notions about plastic surgery (and a negative view of it because of some of the things we see in the media), but if this fits him, I'm sure he'll understand if you explain why you did it and how it has improved your self esteem. I say more power to you for doing it :)
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 6 years
Look, he's not your therapist, he's not one of your girlfriends. Him knowing this bit of info is of no consequence, good or bad. It's not that big of a deal, why is it even a question?
mortar31 mortar31 6 years
You should tell him... I recently entered a relationship and my girlfriend told me she had gotten a rhinoplasty! It didn't matter to me at all... I think she is the most gorgeous person in the whole world, nose job or not...Tell him, he won't mind and if he does then he probably isn't worth it.
mortar31 mortar31 6 years
You should tell him... I recently entered a relationship and my girlfriend told me she had gotten a rhinoplasty! It didn't matter to me at all... I think she is the most gorgeous person in the whole world, nose job or not... Tell him, he won't mind and if he does then he probably isn't worth it.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 6 years
IF YOU WANT TO TELL HIM, TELL HIM.This seems like a no brainer to me.
plus_2_kid plus_2_kid 6 years
IF YOU WANT TO TELL HIM, TELL HIM. This seems like a no brainer to me.
jazzytummy jazzytummy 6 years
Although it is great you did something for yourself and you feel better, don't become one of those bores who talks about it all of the time. Believe me, NOBODY cares.
elizabethsosewn elizabethsosewn 6 years
yeah i'd only tell him if he asks about it. Otherwise it's not something you really need to blurt out.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 6 years
"old photo's don't lie" Should just be "photos". I don't understand this new trend of throwing apostrophes in there. It takes more effort.
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 6 years
"old photo's don't lie"Should just be "photos". I don't understand this new trend of throwing apostrophes in there. It takes more effort.
colombiansugar colombiansugar 6 years
It's definitely not a big deal... tell him if it comes up in conversation somehow, or if you really need to tell him out of the blue, but otherwise there's no need. I found out after about a year of dating that my fiance had always assumed I had had a nose job because my nose was "too cute" (fyi: it's a normal nose, he just sees me with the eyes of love, lol). Before it came up conversationally, he never asked and never cared about the presumed surgery... although I was pretty shocked he would just assume - for no apparent reason - that I had had rhinoplasty!
Seka21 Seka21 6 years
Dont tell him.. and dont hink so much about it. Noses are les important than you think!My friend had a nose job and her boyfriend was off travelling.. when he came back he didnt even notice and her nose had been de-bumped, the width made smaller AND nostrils re-shaped. She also got highlights.. and typical man had no clue.
Seka21 Seka21 6 years
Dont tell him.. and dont hink so much about it. Noses are les important than you think! My friend had a nose job and her boyfriend was off travelling.. when he came back he didnt even notice and her nose had been de-bumped, the width made smaller AND nostrils re-shaped. She also got highlights.. and typical man had no clue.
notinthemood notinthemood 6 years
Agreed... he probably won't care. I wouldn't tell him unless you were going to be together for a while though... just because it seems like a very personal thing, you know?
thelorax thelorax 6 years
It's only a big deal if you make it one. I wouldn't worry about it! :)
L7amiguita L7amiguita 6 years
CaterpillarGirl's comment is so TRUE! I don't see the big deal??? I doubt he'll care!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
I dont understand the question. You had rhinoplasty (nose job is so 89) Plastic surgery to correct flaws isnt the kiss of death and hasnt been for ages. Tell him, or not, He is a guy he wont care either way i guarantee. I had a septo-rhinoplasty and when i met my now husband I didnt tell him, he even saw old pictures of me that were obviously of a girl with a broken nose and said nothing, it wasnt untill my mom had hers done and said something about mine did he know and his reaction "thats cool" If you thought enough to fix a problem, than i dont get being worried about telling some guy. do you think he is going to think you are vain? Guys dont care about that stuff!!!!!!!
CaterpillarGirl CaterpillarGirl 6 years
I dont understand the question. You had rhinoplasty (nose job is so 89) Plastic surgery to correct flaws isnt the kiss of death and hasnt been for ages. Tell him, or not, He is a guy he wont care either way i guarantee. I had a septo-rhinoplasty and when i met my now husband I didnt tell him, he even saw old pictures of me that were obviously of a girl with a broken nose and said nothing, it wasnt untill my mom had hers done and said something about mine did he know and his reaction "thats cool" If you thought enough to fix a problem, than i dont get being worried about telling some guy. do you think he is going to think you are vain? Guys dont care about that stuff!!!!!!!
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
Did i send this in?! lol Because this is exactly my situation! I got a nose job last fall and barely mentioned it to anyone. No one, who I didn't tell, noticed anyway even though it was a very drastic change to me. I am completely thrilled with the surgery and it definitely has improved my self esteem and confidence (yes, I had plenty of self confidence before but to be able to remove 15 years of insecurity in 4 hours is a relief).I was dating someone at the time I had the surgery done and he completely supported the change and understood why I wanted it done. We are no longer dating and now that I am starting to date again, I, too, have wondered if I should tell the new guy or not.I have decided this: I wouldn't bring it up without reason. If we're discussion our personal surgery experiences, sure. If he says I looked different in an old photo, fine I'll explain. But I decided not to just blurt it out without a cause. However, it definitely is something that I would want my SO to know as we got closer. I haven't been serious with anyone yet, but I probably wouldn't let the relationship go more than six months without him knowing. Because, I definitely agree with the OP, it is a life changing experience and one that I do not regret at all.Also, since I have had the surgery done and felt confident about it, I told a friend or two and was surprised that their reactions were along the lines of "whatever makes you happy" and "you looked beautiful before, you look beautiful now". People who truly care about you would never think of you as superficial or vain for simply doing something that makes you feel better about yourself.
TidalWave TidalWave 6 years
Did i send this in?! lol Because this is exactly my situation! I got a nose job last fall and barely mentioned it to anyone. No one, who I didn't tell, noticed anyway even though it was a very drastic change to me. I am completely thrilled with the surgery and it definitely has improved my self esteem and confidence (yes, I had plenty of self confidence before but to be able to remove 15 years of insecurity in 4 hours is a relief). I was dating someone at the time I had the surgery done and he completely supported the change and understood why I wanted it done. We are no longer dating and now that I am starting to date again, I, too, have wondered if I should tell the new guy or not. I have decided this: I wouldn't bring it up without reason. If we're discussion our personal surgery experiences, sure. If he says I looked different in an old photo, fine I'll explain. But I decided not to just blurt it out without a cause. However, it definitely is something that I would want my SO to know as we got closer. I haven't been serious with anyone yet, but I probably wouldn't let the relationship go more than six months without him knowing. Because, I definitely agree with the OP, it is a life changing experience and one that I do not regret at all. Also, since I have had the surgery done and felt confident about it, I told a friend or two and was surprised that their reactions were along the lines of "whatever makes you happy" and "you looked beautiful before, you look beautiful now". People who truly care about you would never think of you as superficial or vain for simply doing something that makes you feel better about yourself.
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