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You Asked: Should I Wait and See if He Changes His Mind?

Dear Sugar,

Back in July my boyfriend confessed that he lied to me about being a virgin — he had actually been with six girls before me. He was my first and it hurt terribly that someone I loved would lie to my for a year and half. I forgave him because I loved him and he genuinely was sorry; the guilt was eating away at him. In the end, he asked for a break and I was devastated. Apparently he had to work out some issues regarding his family and his job. I asked him specifically what a break meant, and he said he just wanted a month without contact.

I haven't seen him for about three weeks. We've both been incredibly busy, but I'm willing to make time and he's not. I asked to spend a day with him and he finally said OK. He blew me off and I waited around like an idiot. I called and left an angry voicemail and instead of calling me back, he proceeded to email me the next day only to go on about a blow-out fight he had with his parents. I replied back that instead of shutting me out he needs to open up to me. He is miserable and seems depressed. He says that he loves me but everything is too crazy right now for him to be in a relationship.

I just don't know where to go from here. I love him and I want to be together, but he can't seem to make the time for me. I know that what we have isn't a real relationship right now so is it over or should I sit tight and see what happens? I'm an emotional basket case and can't stop thinking about all of it.

— I'm a Basket Case Bryn

To see DearSugar's answer,


Dear I'm a Basket Case Bryn,

Finding yourself in relationship limbo is always very confusing and oftentimes overwhelming. It's difficult to focus on anything else in your life if your relationship feels off-balance, but I think you were right to ask how you can be with someone who doesn't make time for you. The answer is you can't — a relationship takes two people. It's clear that your boyfriend is not willing to make something work with you right now and you're right again, you do deserve better.

You can certainly wait around for him in the hopes that he'll change, but if you do, prepare yourself for the likelihood that he may never come back around. Or you can decide to take some time for yourself and figure out why you're so willing to sacrifice your happiness for a person who is emotionally unavailable to you. With the latter you certainly won't be let down, and you might just open yourself up to some amazing possibilities.


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