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You Asked: Should We Invite Them to Our Wedding?

Dear Sugar,

My fiance and I are getting married in August, and we are torn about whether we should invite one of our friends and his wife. We have been friends with him since college (nearly a decade) and he has been a wonderful, sweet, supportive, understanding friend and husband. His wife, on the other hand, could not be less supportive or more selfish. Several months before their wedding, she told him that he had to stop talking to all of us because she found out that he had a minicrush on one of the girls in our group during our freshman year of college— long before he even met his wife. She said that we all reminded her of the "other" girl, who is happily married to someone else! She threatened to break off their engagement, so he cut all ties with us immediately. She eventually eased up, but things are definitely awkward for everyone.

We were quite surprised to receive an invitation to their wedding last year (none of our other friends did), but she did not even acknowledge our presence during the rehearsal or the big day. I would like to invite him to our wedding, and I would like him to feel comfortable bringing his wife. However, it is difficult for me to stomach the thought of someone attending our special day who has caused so much pain and heartbreak within my group of dear friends. I really want this day to be drama free, so what should we do? — Don't Need the Drama Nina

To see DearSugar's answer,

.

Dear Don't Need the Drama Nina,

This is a very tough situation, and I'm sorry to hear that this woman has caused so much heartache for your friends. Although your wedding is supposed to be about you and your husband, I do understand how political the day can be too. The decision is ultimately up to you, but have you thought about inviting them but seating them (far) away from your other friends so she doesn't have an opportunity to make them feel uncomfortable?

I know this isn't an easy decision, so perhaps you and your fiance should write out a pro and con list to weigh your options. If you have some time to make the decision, maybe having a heart to heart with this woman would be beneficial, as it's pretty clear by her behavior that she's simply just jealous of you and your friends.

I know this is the last thing you need on your plate right now, so listen to your gut and make whatever decision will cause the least amount of drama. Good luck!

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kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
I'd not invite them, to be honest with you. I don't need the 'drama' and he has 'disowned' you and your circle of friends before and things have gotten so awkward. Or if you really had to, do what they did to you, invite then seat them so far away from the other friends and basically 'ignore' them too if they come (just keep things to really short 'hi, how are you, thanks for coming' then poof-be gone). I can be 'vindictive' that way LOL.
kurniakasih kurniakasih 7 years
I'd not invite them, to be honest with you. I don't need the 'drama' and he has 'disowned' you and your circle of friends before and things have gotten so awkward. Or if you really had to, do what they did to you, invite then seat them so far away from the other friends and basically 'ignore' them too if they come (just keep things to really short 'hi, how are you, thanks for coming' then poof-be gone). I can be 'vindictive' that way LOL.
clew001 clew001 7 years
ax them. who needs the drama?
clew001 clew001 7 years
ax them. who needs the drama?
RockAndRepublic RockAndRepublic 7 years
Bunk that! Don't invite them. He decided that your friendship was disposable when someone told him to, well, if you're that disposable then so is he.
lizlee89 lizlee89 7 years
your day
lizlee89 lizlee89 7 years
your day
lizlee89 lizlee89 7 years
your day
lizlee89 lizlee89 7 years
this really irratates me. I really think when you get married, it needs to be you and your spouse against the world. he decided to marry her despite the fact that he knew the way she was before, and now he needs to live with that decision. I do not subscribe to "obligation invitations" and I don't think you should either. IT"S YOU DAY, and you should not have to put up with people who are rude and disrespectful to you. if he is a true friend, he will understand that and stay home with his wife, as he should...
macchiatolove macchiatolove 7 years
hehe, I'd probably put "mr. blah blah and GUEST" rather than "mr and mrs" on the invitation, and seat them as far away as you can from the other friends from that group, perhaps with the distant relatives table?haha, seriously though, the other posters are right. You have to decide whether having an old friend at your wedding is more important than an 'issue' with his (clearly irritating) wife.After all, they may decide not to come, since surely all the other friends from that group will be there!
macchiatolove macchiatolove 7 years
hehe, I'd probably put "mr. blah blah and GUEST" rather than "mr and mrs" on the invitation, and seat them as far away as you can from the other friends from that group, perhaps with the distant relatives table? haha, seriously though, the other posters are right. You have to decide whether having an old friend at your wedding is more important than an 'issue' with his (clearly irritating) wife. After all, they may decide not to come, since surely all the other friends from that group will be there!
Vsugar Vsugar 7 years
I had to do this for my wedding, but in my case it was my uncle and his INSANE wife.I called him and said: Look, I'm sorry, but I don't want your wife at my wedding. She is disruptive and unpleasant, and I'm not willing to have that kind of mood at my wedding. I have struggled with the decision to tell you this, because I don't want to offend you, but I feel that I need to do what is right for me and the rest of the family. If you would like to come without her, please consider yourself welcome, but if you would like to tell her that we didn't invite you and stay behind, please do what you think is best - I don't want to cause trouble in your home.So, he didn't come!! No skin off my back, and honestly, he wasn't upset. He actually totally understood, and decided to just tell her they hadn't been invited. She was upset, but he wasn't, and honestly, that's all I care about.I would go the honesty route, but make it a phone call or a face to face - don't put anything down in writing!!
Vsugar Vsugar 7 years
I had to do this for my wedding, but in my case it was my uncle and his INSANE wife. I called him and said: Look, I'm sorry, but I don't want your wife at my wedding. She is disruptive and unpleasant, and I'm not willing to have that kind of mood at my wedding. I have struggled with the decision to tell you this, because I don't want to offend you, but I feel that I need to do what is right for me and the rest of the family. If you would like to come without her, please consider yourself welcome, but if you would like to tell her that we didn't invite you and stay behind, please do what you think is best - I don't want to cause trouble in your home. So, he didn't come!! No skin off my back, and honestly, he wasn't upset. He actually totally understood, and decided to just tell her they hadn't been invited. She was upset, but he wasn't, and honestly, that's all I care about. I would go the honesty route, but make it a phone call or a face to face - don't put anything down in writing!!
sparklestar sparklestar 7 years
Invite him because he's your friend. Just scribble out the 'plus one" ... ;)
sundaygreen sundaygreen 7 years
You have to invite him, he's your friend - it doesn't MATTER if his wife is a heinous bitch. All that matters is that he has the opportunity to join you at your wedding day, and have a good time with you and your mutual friends. Let his little wife sulk in the corner, or whatever it is she does - just ignore her and don't bring any attention on her (she obviously thrives on it). Have a nice wedding!
sundaygreen sundaygreen 7 years
You have to invite him, he's your friend - it doesn't MATTER if his wife is a heinous bitch. All that matters is that he has the opportunity to join you at your wedding day, and have a good time with you and your mutual friends. Let his little wife sulk in the corner, or whatever it is she does - just ignore her and don't bring any attention on her (she obviously thrives on it).Have a nice wedding!
nicklover nicklover 7 years
wow. hmm tough situation. i would invite them and put them with all the old ppl. srry but that would be the best way to me and make sure there theyre far away from your other friends.
Briandiesel Briandiesel 7 years
If you want him to be there, invite them. If you dont want him to be there, don't. Thats all you need to worry about-
Briandiesel Briandiesel 7 years
If you want him to be there, invite them. If you dont want him to be there, don't. Thats all you need to worry about-
care0531 care0531 7 years
Put the ball in their court. Invite them and see if she even wants to go.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
Um, PieceofCakes, I hope that's a joke! You cannot invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception ! to the OP ... I think you should send an invitation and let them decide. If she throws a fit at the wedding or creates drama she'll look like the fool.
runningesq runningesq 7 years
Um, PieceofCakes, I hope that's a joke! You cannot invite someone to the ceremony and not the reception !to the OP ... I think you should send an invitation and let them decide. If she throws a fit at the wedding or creates drama she'll look like the fool.
GlowingMoon GlowingMoon 7 years
I agree -- don't invite them. Besides, he's p*ssy whipped. He had "cut all ties" with your social circle when she threatened to break their engagement?? Sorry, he's not a real friend. I wouldn't consider inviting him and his poor choice of a wife. JMHO.
PieceofCakes PieceofCakes 7 years
Or... just invite them to the ceremony... not the reception. Done!
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