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You Asked: Shouldn't I be Way Over this by Now?

You Asked: Shouldn't I be Way Over this by Now?

Dear Sugar--

I have an ex boyfriend that I was with for 4 years and we broke up 6 years ago. We have maintained a casual friendship- one of us will call the other every couple of months. I have always felt that we would get back together, just when we were both more mature and settled. And he has tried in the past to renew our relationship, but I didn't feel I was ready. Well, now I feel ready, and of course, he has a girlfriend that he lives with!

Now I feel as if I missed the boat with him, and I am distraught over the fact that we aren't together and I didn't rekindle our relationship when I had the chance. How do I attempt to get him back? Are my hands tied? I have told him how I feel, and how deeply I regret not responding to his advances in the past, but he feels loyal to this new commitment, which I admire. I will move on if I have to, but I want to make sure that we don't still have "something" first. Please help my sanity and me! -- A Day Late Laurie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear A Day Late Laurie--

I am sorry to say it, but I think you did miss the boat here. I must say I am a little skeptical as to what makes you feel ready now. While I am sure you still have feelings for your ex, sometimes we want what we can't have, so make sure you aren't confusing true emotions with jealousy.

Since you have already voiced your feelings to your ex, unfortunately you need to respect his decision to give his commitment with his current girlfriend a fighting chance. Being honest with him was the best thing you could have done, but your hands are in fact tied at this point. I am a firm believer in "if it's meant to be it will happen" so you never know what will happen down the road. In the meantime, I suggest putting yourself out there again and leaving the past in the past. Good luck.

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grl-in-the-world grl-in-the-world 9 years
I agree with Dear as well. Your time with him has passed and you need to respect the relationship he has built with his new girlfriend. I'm sure in your mind you are idealizing the time you spent with him, but remember why you broke up in the first place and all the reasons you have thought all along that it was not right for you two to get back together. Now you want what you cannot have and that is making you want him even more. You need to seriously tell yourself that it is over with him and that it is for the best!! Wish him luck with his new lady and get out there and live! Stop sitting around moping about the situation and open yourself up to starting a new relationship with someone new, someone better suited to you!
andaman andaman 9 years
Don't even think about sleeping with him (even with just for one night). He belongs to his girlfriend not you! You will get seriously hurt if you do things like that.
andaman andaman 9 years
The timing is not right. He's a good man but he is not yours. Focus on something else in your life. If he is meant to be then he will be when he becomes single. For now leave him alone and get on with your life. You may be annoying him by refusing to get the message.
lickety-split lickety-split 9 years
doesn't really matter if you have something anymore; he's moved on. here we are again with the issue being "i don't like what he said (or didn't say) so i'll keep asking the question, over and over and over". no means no.
SU3 SU3 9 years
Move on. You told him how you felt and he gave you an answer. Respect his decision and leave it alone. Good Luck!
vmruby vmruby 9 years
You had your chance, you let it go. Sounds like he's more of a habit to you than a true love. He's moved on and now you should to. And it's not a good idea to interfere in his new relationship unless somewhere down the road you want it to happen to you.There's plenty of guys out there. Find one who will give you what you need. Good Luck!!!!!
popgoestheworld popgoestheworld 9 years
To me, it sounds like you were kind of counting on this guy to be around forever and you are disappointed now that he's moved on with someone else. You told him how you felt, and he made his decision. You have to move on without him in your life.
Deba Deba 9 years
She already said that she has mentioned to him the way she feels and he had made clear the way he feels too, so its time to move on and respect the fact that he is with another girl he cares about.
bluefly43 bluefly43 9 years
i do not agree w the "if it s meant to happen, it will happen" mentallity. life doesnt just happen, you make it happen. and you have to make your own happiness. you will probably never be able to 100% move on untill you have gotten everythign out of your sistem w this guy. and "if only i had..." is probably the worst feeling! go for it, do what you need to know that you have done everythign you could have ever done. if you still dont get your guy, then deal. i wonder what you might feel you should do, though, if you consider his feelings and the feelings of the girl he's with.
Masqueraded_Angel Masqueraded_Angel 9 years
I agree with everyone else. Something that might help you is to remember why you two broke up in the first place. It's been 6 years, hunny! It's definitely time for you to get out there, enjoy life and meet new people. It doesn't matter if you're out to find another bf or not. If things work out between you two, then that's ok. But do NOT get between him and his new gf, or he'll resent you for it.
Deba Deba 9 years
When my ex and I broke up it was really hard for me to accept it was over, I even thought that we were going to be together some day. After we broke up he got a new girlfriend, which hurt me a lot more, but at some point I understood that he was happy with her and I needed to move on because this situation was not letting me meet other people. After I faced that I met my current bf. When its over its over.
cubadog cubadog 9 years
I agree with the above. He knows how you feel and he made his decision. Get a hobby and move on!
Trixie6 Trixie6 9 years
I agree with Dear. He's with someone else and you need to respect that. The best thing you can do is get back out there. If he is truly who you're meant to be with, it'll work itself out, but you shouldn't waste your time waiting for it to happen.
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