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You Asked: Is It Time to Move On?

Dear Sugar,

I am 22 years old and have been dating a 34 year old for nearly two years now. We dated for the first seven months then took a break when he wasn't sure if he wanted a serious commitment with me. We got back together a few months later and I told him that I didn't want anything serious because I was going through a rough patch in my life.

As my life got more and more settled, I started to find myself wanting more of a commitment from him. I let him know that my feelings had changed and he informed me that he still wasn't sure if he was ready. I guess his concerns stem from the fact that we're both at very different places in our lives. Despite that issue, we get along great so now I find myself wondering if it's time to move on even though I really do like him or if I should wait for him to catch up to me?

— Ready For Commitment Carla

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Dear Ready For Commitment Carla,

If he told you that he needed you to wait for him indefinitely, would you be willing to? For anyone deciding whether to hold out for someone else, that's always my first question. Sadly, even if your significant other gives you a time frame, it doesn't guarantee that he'll be ready — sometimes that wait can last forever. With that said, sometimes it's not actually about commitment, but finding the right match. Your boyfriend's worries may be completely justified or he might just be afraid of commitment, but you may not know the difference until it's too late.

Unfortunately, being at the same place in life is a huge factor when getting serious in a relationship. For some people the wait is worth it — no matter how long — but for other's, the need to be content in a relationship is stronger than the need to be with the person. For me, being with someone who wants to be with me just as much as I want to be with them is most important, but you have to determine under which category you fall. Once you've decided that, you'll be able to make a much more definitive decision that you can feel strong about.


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