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You Asked: Trouble With His Friends

DearSugar --

I went to a meal with my boyfriend and a few of his friends, and a row started between two of these friends. One of them stormed off. The other stayed crying at our table and insisted on telling me her life history even though I'd never met her before. I tried not to take sides, though I did ask why she stuck around if she was treated so badly.

A few days later the other friend, who stormed off, is bad mouthing me to my boyfriend, saying I was taking sides. My boyfriend is trying to laugh it off, but I know he wants us all to get along and I can't tell how much this is bothering him. And if I can't get along with his friend, will that effect our relationship? Help! ~ Crossfire Katie

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

You didn't create this situation, dear. The stormy friend has conveniently made you the problem, which, of course, you are not. However, you did just learn an important lesson: if you don't want to end up in a triangle, remain completely disengaged during emotional situations with people you don't know well.

They sound like an emotional and dramatic bunch, Katie, and I expect there have been scenes and tricky finger-pointing episodes before. I'm sure your boyfriend's familiar with the ebb and flow of that relationship; odds are, he's found himself in an uncomfortable situation or two with them in the past. I wouldn't get too worried or focused on that evening or its aftermath. They'll cool off, you'll master the blank but caring face, and someone else will trip the wire next time.

And remember, they are your boyfriend's friends; it's his job to keep you out of the line of fire. You can't be expected to take the heat for trying to manage as best you could the evening his friends wrecked. I honestly don't think you'll have any problems getting along with his friends, Katie, and your boyfriend knows this if he knows you. Sounds like this particular pair will need to meet you halfway, that's all.


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