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You Asked: Is Watching Porn Everyday Excessive?

Dear Sugar,


My boyfriend and I just recently moved in together and the adjustment has been, well, difficult for both of us. I have noticed his computer habits which to me seem excessive. He is on the computer all the time. He used to take it in the bathroom with him and I asked him to stop , which he did. I caught him having secret intimate conversations over e-mail with a girl he works with and demanded that he end the relationship. I think he has been on the straight and narrow ever since except for his porn habit. Now, I am far from a prude. I enjoy porn, I just don't understand why he looks at it everyday. The main thing that bothers me is that my sex drive is higher than his and he is happy with sex twice a week where I would like it more often than that (4 would be nice).

I am upset because he will watch web cams and search porn everyday when he gets home from work and then isn't interested in sex with me. Sometimes when I initiate it he just seems uninterested or as if it is his duty. I have done things to spice things up; lingerie, new positions, lots of oral, I even act slutty and he still feels the need to watch porn. I feel like it is disrespectful, and quite frankly I don't understand why he would need to search so often. I'm having a really hard time dealing with this. Please help.

—Horny and Not into Porn Paula

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Dear Horny and Not into Porn Paula,

You think he's been on the straight and narrow? Honey, I'm sorry to be the one to point this out to you, but it sounds like you don't trust this guy one bit. I agree with you that porn is great every once in a while, but what does he need it for when he has a real live woman to make sweet love to everyday?

You have got to talk to him about this. Don't attack his porn habits (although we can all agree that it's totally excessive), just be open about how you feel and what you need. Tell him that it's upsetting to you that he'd rather scour the Internet looking for sexual arousal versus having sex with you. Ask him flat out what the porn is offering him that you're not. Maybe you can suggest incorporating it into your time together.

If he's not willing to talk about this or change his ways, then this just isn't going to work, and if I were you, I'd move out and end this one-way relationship. On the other hand, if he's sensitive to your concerns and cuts down on this habit of his, I think your relationship will grow from this experience. Good luck, Paula.

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