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You Asked: Is There a Way Out?



Dear Sugar--
My husband recently moved me and my daughter away from my family that I have been close with my whole life. They live in New York and we are now in North Carolina. We have been here for about 5 months now. We had our issues in NY but since the move, they haven't changed; they have only gotten worse. We were supposed to be here for having less expenses and living more comfortably, but that is just not the case, and as far as I am concerned, this is no longer a marriage -- it's a death sentence.

I want to make a better life for my daughter and I but have no clue where to start and I want to be back in New York, closer to my family and my friends. Where do I start with no money, no car, ...nothing? This is very unhealthy for my daughter and I and I am completely miserable and can't take it anymore. I have no idea what to do or where to start. --Lonely Linda

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Dear Lonely Linda--

Moving to a new city is never easy, especially when you aren't on board from the get go, but it sounds like there are many other issues factoring into your current unhappiness. Before you moved, were you and your husband working out your problems? Were you in therapy together? If not, you might want to look into seeking outside help. Your marriage shouldn't feel like a death sentence, so if you are willing to work things out, you're going to have to try to get back to the roots of why you married this man in the first place. Try talking to your husband and really opening up to him instead of shutting him out. Working together and having his support will make a huge difference in your life.

You're right, being unhappy is not healthy for you or your daughter -- kids pick up on their parents' emotions more than we think. Have you made any new friends in North Carolina? I would start with getting to know the moms of your daughter's friends. Become involved in your community, join a gym and take exercise classes. Not only will you feel better about yourself, but also the gym is a great place to meet people. Have you been staying in touch with your friends and family in New York? Take advantage of your support system and talk about your feelings, letting everything off your chest is bound to help.

If your attempts still don't change things for you, you ultimately need to do whatever is best for you so your daughter can be happy as well. Marriage is all about give and take, so if North Carolina is not the place for you, perhaps your husband can look to being transferred again. And if your marriage has simply run its coarse, there is a way out. Obviously divorce isn't ideal, but it is an option. Hang in there Linda and good luck.

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