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You Asked: We Have Different Dreams

Dear Sugar,

My girlfriend and I have been dating for six months and things are starting to get serious. We've moved in together and are happy that we did. She's finishing her degree in a month and is thinking of joining the armed forces so she can travel around the world — she wants me to go with her. It's always been her dream to go abroad and try out new places but I, on the other hand, am content with my life here and moving to a new place is the furthest thing from my mind at the moment. I don't want her to give up her dream for me, but she doesn't want to leave without me. What should I do? — Rock and a Hard Place Richard

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Dear Rock and a Hard Place Richard,

This is certainly a tough position to be in, but if picking up and leaving to travel the world isn't something you're interested in, don't do it. If your girlfriend says she won't leave without you, that's her decision to make. The thing that makes this situation so tricky is that resentment could easily rear its ugly head for both of you. If she puts you before her dream, she could hold you responsible, but if you leave your life to follow a dream that you can't relate to, you could in turn resent her for making you walk away from your life as you knew it.

You're talking about a major life decision here, so be sure to talk to your girlfriend about all your options. It's important for each of you to follow your dreams, so if you're not on the same page, hopefully you work together to come to a happy meeting place. Good luck and remember communication is key!

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ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
i think that this is really something that you guys need to sit down and talk about. i think that joining the armed forces for the intent to travel and all that - that's not really a realistic thing since you're not going to have those same opportunities that you're thinking about in your mind. you'll have scary risky situations going on, and you'll only get stationed in certain places. if she wants to travel, can't you guys figure something out? i think that expecting you to drop everything to travel is sometimes unrealistic as well. i think that she should respect that you want to be responsible about things and that you want to get a foundation where you are and get settled. i hope that you're able to work things out cause it would be a shame for this to tear you all apart.
ilanac13 ilanac13 7 years
i think that this is really something that you guys need to sit down and talk about. i think that joining the armed forces for the intent to travel and all that - that's not really a realistic thing since you're not going to have those same opportunities that you're thinking about in your mind. you'll have scary risky situations going on, and you'll only get stationed in certain places. if she wants to travel, can't you guys figure something out? i think that expecting you to drop everything to travel is sometimes unrealistic as well. i think that she should respect that you want to be responsible about things and that you want to get a foundation where you are and get settled. i hope that you're able to work things out cause it would be a shame for this to tear you all apart.
Meike Meike 7 years
First of all, it depends on which branch of the military she wants to join because let's face it, the Army and the Marines are much more at risk to be sent to war than the Navy and the Air Force. Second of all, being in the military isn't just some travel job just because the active duty get to do the yearly TDYs and possibly get to live overseas. Sorry, but she won't be given a real choice about where she and you go. At the very least, the Air Force in particular will give you three courtesy options and it is usually to the bases who are in greater need of manpower. Third of all, active duty and family members get separated a LOT. I can remember as a child my father being gone for half a year. I imagine that must have been difficult on my mother but this is the life she chose with the man she love. If your girlfriend is serious about committing to one of the military, this may indeed be a deal breaker for you. It is a lifestyle choice that many people can't handle.
Meike Meike 7 years
First of all, it depends on which branch of the military she wants to join because let's face it, the Army and the Marines are much more at risk to be sent to war than the Navy and the Air Force. Second of all, being in the military isn't just some travel job just because the active duty get to do the yearly TDYs and possibly get to live overseas. Sorry, but she won't be given a real choice about where she and you go. At the very least, the Air Force in particular will give you three courtesy options and it is usually to the bases who are in greater need of manpower. Third of all, active duty and family members get separated a LOT. I can remember as a child my father being gone for half a year. I imagine that must have been difficult on my mother but this is the life she chose with the man she love. If your girlfriend is serious about committing to one of the military, this may indeed be a deal breaker for you. It is a lifestyle choice that many people can't handle.
cubadog cubadog 7 years
I agree with the above I think she is very naive when it comes to life in the military. Has she been watching Private Benjamin? You need to be honest with her about your feelings and let her know that you do not have the same goals and desires.
bengalspice bengalspice 7 years
Ask her to do something other than joining the military, like becoming a teacher abroad [Peace Corp], or join some other volunteer program. Maybe she could become a foreign correspondent for a newspaper or magazine. But most importantly, you two should really sit down and talk about all your options and what you guys really want to do.
bengalspice bengalspice 7 years
Ask her to do something other than joining the military, like becoming a teacher abroad [Peace Corp], or join some other volunteer program. Maybe she could become a foreign correspondent for a newspaper or magazine.But most importantly, you two should really sit down and talk about all your options and what you guys really want to do.
sundaygreen sundaygreen 7 years
Yeah I certainly wouldn't put military life at the top of my list if I wanted to 'see the world'.
Mesayme Mesayme 7 years
Richard, you have cause for concern as the military couldn't care less about separating families. They are in the business of protecting the country and not family units. Many places they could send her you couldn't go anyway. She won't be 'traveling the world' she will be working, sacrificing and dodging bullets. Someone who wants to travel becomes a photographer, writer or American Red Cross volunteer, etc. I believe she means well, but isn't clear on what military life is really like...at all. She needs to speak with active soldiers and not recruiters.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 7 years
she's still thinking about joining the armed forces which doesn't mean she has yet.maybe you should just talk to her. just because its her dream to travel the world doesn't mean she needs to move to another place. she can stay right where she is and still travel and spend time in other parts of the world without having to move all her stuff and be stuck in one place. since she wants you to go with her why don't you two just set plans to see the world together and travel but keep your home where it is.
MissJules5x MissJules5x 7 years
she's still thinking about joining the armed forces which doesn't mean she has yet. maybe you should just talk to her. just because its her dream to travel the world doesn't mean she needs to move to another place. she can stay right where she is and still travel and spend time in other parts of the world without having to move all her stuff and be stuck in one place. since she wants you to go with her why don't you two just set plans to see the world together and travel but keep your home where it is.
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