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You Asked: What Should I Do About my Bar-Hopping Boyfriend?

Dear Sugar--

I am very frustrated and do not know what to do anymore, I constantly try to express my feelings to my boyfriend but am afraid that I am coming off as too easily irritated or upset.

Here is the situation: I have been with my boyfriend for almost 7 months now and one thing that has been bothering me is the fact that he goes out to bars quite often with his friends who 9/10 of them happen to be single. The only one that is not either does not go out or brings his girlfriend with him.

I tried to tell my boyfriend that once you are in a serious relationship you need to "tone" down the bar-hopping but he feels that I'm trying to deprive him from time with his friends. I feel hurt and upset. Last week he saw his friends 3 days in a row and out of those 3 days he saw me on the third day. Is it normal for me to not like the fact that he is bar-hopping with his friends all week while I sit at home and worry or is this normal? What should I do?

--Frustrated Felicia

To hear DEARSUGAR's Answer,

Dear Frustrated Felicia,

It sounds like you guys are simply not on the same page. It seems like you have the right idea of how an adult relationship should be - that you spend a certain amount of time together, certain times apart, and you don't go out drinking with your friends all week. Is his bar hopping making you upset because of the fact that he is spending his time with his single friends? Are you finding it difficult to trust him when you are not together?

You have every right to be upset with your boyfriend's actions. The bottom line is, he's not listening to you or respecting your needs in this relationship. Have you tried making a compromise? Perhaps suggest he spend 2-3 nights with his friends, and 2-3 nights alone with you. Or, how about suggesting going out with your boyfriend every once in awhile?

If you can't come to an agreement, I'm sorry to say that you might be better off without this guy in your life. Maybe he needs to "sow his oats" before he can be in a serious committed relationship with you. Either way, you deserve to be with someone who wants to be with you - not someone you have to convince. I wish you luck Felicia!


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