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You Asked: Why Are All These Guys the Same?

Dear Sugar--

All of the men I date have something in common: they all have divorced parents and a bad or strange relationship with their fathers. My friends say that since the men I date are usually brought up by strong and independent women, that maybe that is why they like me. None of these relationships have worked for me.

Should I ask about their parents' relationship before I get serious with them? Should I avoid the guys with divorced parents and bad relationships with their fathers? Is there a reason I seek these type of guys out or is it just coincidence?

--Sick of Bad Dates Dana

To see DEARSUGAR's answer

Dear Sick of Bad Dates Dana--

It's a sad fact the divorce rate in America keeps rising , so it's no wonder that many of the men you go out with have parents who are splitsville. I don't think they are seeking you out or visa versa, it's just a coincidence.

I do see your point about people who have gone through divorce or who have bad relationships with the primary male figure in their life - it can really screw up their perception of what a respectful relationship is supposed to be like, or what their role is as the man. In their defense, I have to say that growing up with this type of family situation doesn't automatically mean that they can't be in a successful and loving relationship with you.

That being said, I don't think you should mark divorced parents as a character flaw in your dating notebook, or discount people just because of their family situation. It really isn't fair to give up on people before you've given them a chance. Dating is tough and most guys are not going to be the perfect match for you -- they don't call him Mr. Right for nothing, so hang in there on the dating scene and I'm sure you'll soon find "the one."

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PinkNC PinkNC 9 years
Good point and quiestions 'Jeng112'
tati33 tati33 9 years
same here jhuck!!!
tati33 tati33 9 years
same here jhuck!!!
Jeng112 Jeng112 9 years
The common factor in all of these relationships is you. I think you would be better of figuring out why you are attracted to these men. Do they make you feel needed? Do you feel bad for them? Are you trying to fix people? You are attracted and are receptive to these guys, so try to look at it from that point of view.
Advah Advah 9 years
It's probably just a bad coincidence. :) I suggest leaving supersitions out of the dating topic, or you might just end up taking into consideration things that are not even facts, or base your decisions on coincidences instead of your feelings!
askggf askggf 9 years
Try different ways to meet different men. Online dating is also efficient. But be sure to choose a safe one among thousands of dating sites. eHarmoney.com and SearchingMillionaire.com are very good.
zoomusicgirl zoomusicgirl 9 years
i don't think that a guy should be judged on his relationship with his parents or his parents' relationship status. they should at least be given a chance.... maybe instead of connecting the flaws from your relationships, maybe you should connect the positive aspects...do they have anything positive in common with each other? if so, maybe you should focus on that...and i guess...keeping an open mind and seeking those traits out when you want to hit the dating scene.
jhuck jhuck 9 years
As a child of a broken home who has a horrible relationship...or should I say doesn't have a relationship with her father, I hope you'll give guys like me (even though I'm a girl) a chance! Everyone deserves one no matter where and what they come from!
bellanatella bellanatella 9 years
Babycandy, the grass is always greener, and that's all I have to say. Haha. Enjoy being single while you can.
demeter demeter 9 years
I think it would be rude to ask a guy about his parents relationship that soon. Give a guy a chance. I think you're setting yourself up for failure with these guys because you think they're all the same and none of them will work out.
babycandy babycandy 9 years
i just wished i never heard being single could hurt Ur general life
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