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You Asked: Why Am I Still Mourning?


Dear Sugar,

I have been divorced for about five years, and almost three years ago, my ex passed away. It was very sudden and my two kids were at home with him the morning it happened and I was lucky enough to make it over to his house just in time to say goodbye. I have been in a relationship with someone ever since my divorce, but lately I find myself missing my ex more and more everyday, some days I get almost to a depressed state because I miss him so much. I think about him all the time and he's often in my dreams. I don't understand why I am feeling all of these emotions now when he died so many years ago. Do you have any advice? — Mourning Maura

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Dear Mourning Maura,

I'm so sorry to hear about your loss. Grieving someone's death is a different process for everyone, so still feeling pain three years after his passing is by no means abnormal. Since you were present with your children when he passed, something tells me you pushed your emotions down inside in order to be strong for your kids but no matter how hard you try to mask your feelings, they won't go away.

You and your ex-husband obviously had a very special bond so just because you've moved on doesn't mean you can't miss him or lament his death. The only advice I can offer you is to give in to your sorrow — feel your pain and be sad if that's what your body and mind is telling you to do. The sooner you face your feelings head on, the sooner you'll be able to process them. Talk about your emotions too. Lean on your friends and family for support and try to focus on celebrating his life. Although these tips are much easier said than done, remember that time will also be a great healer for you. My heart goes out to you and your family and I wish you all the best.

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