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You Asked: Why Do I Keep Giving In?

Dear Sugar,

I have been dating this guy on and off since January. One day everything seems great and all is well and then we won't speak for a week or so. He will randomly text me or call me on the rare occasion, and after putting up with it for a while, I told myself I was done with his cat-and-mouse game. He never seems to make the effort and I'm tired of having to pick up the loose pieces. I brush it off time and again, but deep down I know that I want more than what he is willing to give me so instead of ignoring his calls and messages, I reply. I deleted his number, and a week later put it back into my phone. He has made it blatantly clear that he "likes me a lot," but he's not ready for a relationship.

It seems that no matter how hard I try to push him out of my life, there's just something there that makes me give into his will. I am a fairly strong person and can stand on my own two feet, but something about this guy makes me weak. How do I either, a.) shut him out of my life and move on or b.) keep going with my routine, and convince him to be with me? — Pushed Over Ollie

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Dear Pushed Over Ollie,

First thing's first: are you holding onto this guy because you truly have feelings for him or because you're enjoying the cat-and-mouse game as well? I think a lot of women in similar situations as you find that they're attracted to the idea of "changing" the guy and winning over his heart, but at the end of the day, Ollie, you have to ask yourself if this guy is capable of ever being in a relationship with you. It sounds as though he likes you, but sometimes that's just not good enough.

Since you've constantly taken him back after he pulls his Houdini stunts, he believes that he can continue on that path so I advise you to break the cycle ASAP — if he doesn't have to suffer any consequences, why would he change? In the meantime, try not to focus all your attention on him; go out with your girlfriends and meet other guys. Though I understand the desire to make him see how wonderful and great you are, convincing him to feel a certain way won't work — trust me — so if a little distance doesn't do the trick that'll be your cue to shut him out once and for all. You're a lot stronger than you think you are so keep reminding yourself that there's someone out there who will care for you the same way you care for him, this guy just might not be him. Good luck.


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