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You Asked: Why Does He Never Get Jealous?

Dear Sugar,

I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world. We have been dating almost five months now, and he has lived in California the entire time. We met a week before he left and he swept me off my feet. He has already come to see me three times since he has moved and he dedicates all his free time to me. But something just seems to be missing.

I party all the time and he never cares. Guys have slept in my bed (crashing after going out), and he doesn't even flinch. All my friends are guys and it doesn't bother him at all. If I put him on hold to talk to one of my friends here, he doesn't care. I can go to the club and he totally doesn't care. He says that when you like someone you should trust them. But I just feel like I can't get a rise out of him regardless of what I do. I feel like he has no heart. He always tells me how much he likes me and I know he never treats me bad in anyway but I still feel like I need some emotion from him. I want him to need me. I always fight with him over this whole situation, but we never see eye to eye. Am I the wrong one in this situation?

I feel like I have the most amazing guy in the world and I'm still not happy. I feel like there's something missing, and maybe it's his heart. Does he not truly care about me because he never gets mad. I just feel crazy. Any advice? — Pushing His Buttons Becky

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Pushing His Buttons Becky,

You say you have the most amazing boyfriend in the world, but it's pretty clear you aren't all that happy with him. I am assuming that you are having a long distance relationship right now, so it sounds as though your boyfriend is just trusting you, versus not caring about you or what you're doing. If you are simply trying to push your boyfriend's buttons, stop it because it isn't working, and in turn, it's making you upset.

Something tells me you have had a prior relationship that was packed with drama and unnecessary arguing which is why you feel like something is missing with this relationship. In order to have a successful long distance relationship, you have to trust each other. If you need more fire from him, or if you want him to be jealous of the way you live your life, this man just might not be the right match for you.

From the sounds of it, he cares a great deal about you and is letting you live your life the way you wish while he is gone, so you might want to be careful about what you wish for. Measuring your boyfriend's feelings by how jealous he gets is not the answer here. Be open with him, let him know you need to feel more wanted and hopefully you can come to a compromise where you are both happy. Good luck!

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abeybabyx3 abeybabyx3 7 years
in all honesty i am a guy in a new relationship and my gf has made a note on me never getting jealous. i have also been curious about this and am studying phyc when i was in a relationship with my first gfi got insanely jealous which led to the ending of my relationship... this is actually because i do not feel anything for her. i want to be a good bf and give her everything she deserves but am not able to bring myself to end the relationship. so the simple fact of the matter is. i am not that into her, but at the same time i am too kind to break her heart. i hope one day she finds the guy she is searching for and breaks up with me. i would suggest being open with him about this. it may be that hes just not that into you. or it may be his fear of destroying the relationship even if i was into her i would express jealousy these days inwardly and become depressed it may be a fun topic to talk about too, simply ask him why dont you get jealous ever? i know he may say trust is key which it is. but there may be something deeper below the surface like a past experience and hearing why may make you at ease. hope this helps =P
mazza217 mazza217 8 years
Jealousy is human nature and is an emotion that we as human experience, like being angry, happy or sad. I believe that by this person not being jealous, is something to be concered about. It must be noted there is a differnce between jealousy and controlling. ive noticed on other comments people have reffered to jealous partners in a negative tone, but i suggest they are refferring to the people who use control as a way to satisy there jealousy. Helathy jealousy is to be expected when you have feelings for someone, and after 5 months, there should be some strong feelings between the both of you. Jealousy is a form of validation that humans express. Jealousy is saying, i care, or im no this is not good enough, jealousy is about the standard you want in a relationship. It is a was to connect the feelings or care and love that someone feels for eachother and gives eachother validation. By not being jealous, he is not supplying these needs to which are simply in human nature. In Most forms of mammels, the males are desgined through evoultion to protect the females, and thats what jealously shows, that you are his to protect. This is not opinion, this is simply evoultion that we have it inbuilt into our dna to feel this way. Yes there is a difference between a jealous person and one thatses jealousy as a way of control. If this man really had that unbelieveable pull of love for you, he would be jealous cos as a male, its in his blood, its been in his blood for 40,000 years and we wont get rid of it for a long time. Yes he probably cares for you, but if he is not jealous, then he must not think you are worth protecting so find someone who will
mazza217 mazza217 8 years
Jealousy is human nature and is an emotion that we as human experience, like being angry, happy or sad. I believe that by this person not being jealous, is something to be concered about. It must be noted there is a differnce between jealousy and controlling. ive noticed on other comments people have reffered to jealous partners in a negative tone, but i suggest they are refferring to the people who use control as a way to satisy there jealousy.Helathy jealousy is to be expected when you have feelings for someone, and after 5 months, there should be some strong feelings between the both of you. Jealousy is a form of validation that humans express. Jealousy is saying, i care, or im no this is not good enough, jealousy is about the standard you want in a relationship. It is a was to connect the feelings or care and love that someone feels for eachother and gives eachother validation. By not being jealous, he is not supplying these needs to which are simply in human nature. In Most forms of mammels, the males are desgined through evoultion to protect the females, and thats what jealously shows, that you are his to protect. This is not opinion, this is simply evoultion that we have it inbuilt into our dna to feel this way.Yes there is a difference between a jealous person and one thatses jealousy as a way of control.If this man really had that unbelieveable pull of love for you, he would be jealous cos as a male, its in his blood, its been in his blood for 40,000 years and we wont get rid of it for a long time. Yes he probably cares for you, but if he is not jealous, then he must not think you are worth protecting so find someone who will
sabrinaBee sabrinaBee 8 years
My BF is like yours, except that i don't call him amazing. cos he's not when something's bugging me :) I get really flipped out when he doesn't budge at some things, but then, I wouldn't want an over jealous bf who's after my every move!
mollybaby mollybaby 8 years
my biff's exactly the opposite.. he thinks that just because some of my friends have penises, i'm automatically doin em all. w-r-o-n-g. i guess i appreciate the fact that he's protective, although a lot of the time it's a smidge overdone. but as far as your boy not being jealous, idk becks, some people just aren't until they have a concrete reason to be.
bubbles540 bubbles540 8 years
well ya'll have only been dating for five months and maybe the reason he doesn't get jealous is because he trust you and he doesn't want to loose you. And because he knows that those guys are just your friends. believe me you don't want him to be jealous i have a great boyfriend and everything but when it comes to me talking to a guy or even a guy friend he gets upset. so be lucky that you don't have a jealous boyfriend. but i understand that you want him to show that he atleast cares about you.
bubbles540 bubbles540 8 years
well ya'll have only been dating for five months and maybe the reason he doesn't get jealous is because he trust you and he doesn't want to loose you. And because he knows that those guys are just your friends. believe me you don't want him to be jealous i have a great boyfriend and everything but when it comes to me talking to a guy or even a guy friend he gets upset. so be lucky that you don't have a jealous boyfriend. but i understand that you want him to show that he atleast cares about you.
ummmidkman ummmidkman 8 years
wow girls cant make up their minds. they say they want him to need her then they say youre too clingy. lame
Pumpkin-Queen Pumpkin-Queen 8 years
STOP TESTING HIM. Its 5 months.. and clearly too soon for him to show emotions and trust you because quite frankly you dont deserve it. You are pushing him away without realising it. Your behaviour is very unnatractive especially letting men sleep in your bed. Don t be suprised if you do one more thing and he dumps you. You have been with someone 5 months and to be honest YOU have made a bad start.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
I think the first year I was with my boyfriend thoughts like this used to creep up on me, because back then I was more of the outgoing social butterfly. All these yrs later (we're going on 4 yrs) I'm glad I didn't push his buttons or keep nagging myself aboout it. Some guys and girls are just this way. I've come to realize it all these yrs later. I mean what does being jealous really prove??? If him coming to see you and such isn't proof enough maybe you should either re-evaluate your relationship and/or move on. Being jealous doens't solve anything, if anything it causes unneeded pressure and problems in a relationship and if you really like this guy why would you want either? Being jealous won't prevent someone from cheating on you, or being wild and crazy so why would he want to be THAT guy? Especially being far away I'm sure he just wants you to have your fun and not feel stifled that he can't be there and so youshould sit home pining over him. He just wants you to have a life while he's not around to share it with you. I was in your shoes wondering, wtf I can't believe he doesn't care what I do but you should feel glad to know he trusts you THAT much, it sometimes isn't so easy to gain another person's trust. Also I find people who are very jealous people have a hard time with those who are not.
aimeeb aimeeb 8 years
I think the first year I was with my boyfriend thoughts like this used to creep up on me, because back then I was more of the outgoing social butterfly. All these yrs later (we're going on 4 yrs) I'm glad I didn't push his buttons or keep nagging myself aboout it. Some guys and girls are just this way. I've come to realize it all these yrs later. I mean what does being jealous really prove??? If him coming to see you and such isn't proof enough maybe you should either re-evaluate your relationship and/or move on. Being jealous doens't solve anything, if anything it causes unneeded pressure and problems in a relationship and if you really like this guy why would you want either?Being jealous won't prevent someone from cheating on you, or being wild and crazy so why would he want to be THAT guy? Especially being far away I'm sure he just wants you to have your fun and not feel stifled that he can't be there and so youshould sit home pining over him. He just wants you to have a life while he's not around to share it with you.I was in your shoes wondering, wtf I can't believe he doesn't care what I do but you should feel glad to know he trusts you THAT much, it sometimes isn't so easy to gain another person's trust. Also I find people who are very jealous people have a hard time with those who are not.
veronicaraye veronicaraye 8 years
wow...I'm the complete opposite. don't you wonder what he's doing then if he doesn't mind what you do.
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
ohemgeemeganlee - my thoughts exactly lol
k8-rckstr k8-rckstr 8 years
ohemgeemeganlee - my thoughts exactlylol
ohemgeemeganlee ohemgeemeganlee 8 years
I don't understand what this is about. Your boyfriend trusts you and you're mad? Grow up.
ohemgeemeganlee ohemgeemeganlee 8 years
I don't understand what this is about. Your boyfriend trusts you and you're mad? Grow up.
mlen mlen 8 years
i understand how you feel- i had a relationship that was very love/hate with a guy- but either way it was very passionate. when it was good it was great and when it was bad it was total drama. but i really got use to that whole high low of it all. after him i dated a guy who was very unemotional and laid back. everything was ok. same as you- he didn't care that i had guy friends and hung out with them, he didn't care that i slept in my guy friend's bed when i visited him (cause the roommate had a dog that was everywhere else!) and he just didn't ever seem to over react or get jealous. i have to admit it bugged the hell out of me to. but you just have to adjust your expectations. this guy obviously likes you enough to make the effort to come visit you. and he obviously trusts you. i mean really that sounds like a good guy to me- don't lose a potentially good relationship because it doesn't have the drama!
whatthew00t whatthew00t 8 years
All I want to say that your relationship is going well. From reading this, it seems like your guy has a lot of trust in you. It's just you who needs a reality check on your relationship and with your boyfriend. He trusts you to do the right things. And you want to cause some drama to rile him up. Don't you want those kinds of freedom and trust? Aren't those great? Do you really want to lose a guy because of stupid drama? I also must say: you're a very lucky person to have that kind of a guy who wouldn't get insanely jealous and insecure. Imagine how many females on this planet who would love to have that type of guy.
whatthew00t whatthew00t 8 years
All I want to say that your relationship is going well. From reading this, it seems like your guy has a lot of trust in you. It's just you who needs a reality check on your relationship and with your boyfriend. He trusts you to do the right things. And you want to cause some drama to rile him up. Don't you want those kinds of freedom and trust? Aren't those great? Do you really want to lose a guy because of stupid drama?I also must say: you're a very lucky person to have that kind of a guy who wouldn't get insanely jealous and insecure. Imagine how many females on this planet who would love to have that type of guy.
lms lms 8 years
You said that he moved away a week after you met and that you have only seen him 3 times in the 5 months that you have been dating. Not to say that every one gets jealous, but I don't think that you guys had enough time together to build a really strong bond. He may not be getting jealous because of that. He may very well care about you, but I wouldn't try to cause up trouble just to see if he does. It sounds like he enjoys your company and talking to you, but it will not kill him if you aren't there for him. If you need someone to obsess over you then he is probably not the one.
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