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You Asked: Why Doesn't He Trust Me?

You Asked: Why Doesn't He Trust Me?


Dear Sugar,

My husband of a year and a half is constantly behaving as though he doesn't trust me. He won't ever come out and say what he is trying to get me to confess to, but he does certain things deliberately to see my reactions and judges my innocence (to whatever he thinks I've done) off of how I act. For example, when I ask him when he will be home, he asks why I want to know. If I don't answer "correctly," or don't behave a certain way when I answer, he assumes I may be doing something while he's out which I don't want him to know about, which is completely ridiculous. I enjoy my personal space (just like he does), but I don't do anything wrong or that he wouldn't approve of.

The thing that makes this so frustrating is that I assume, because I trust him, that he isn't doing anything I wouldn't deem appropriate. I never check his story, or even ask him for an explanation for his actions. His behavior is making me feel like I am doing something wrong, and I'm not even sure what I'm guilty of. I completely trust him but he never gives me the benefit of the doubt, doesn't trust any behaviors that may be out of the realm of "every day" (I'm not sure why I need to explain all my moves anyway), and tests all my behaviors like there's a chance I'm doing something wrong. I just want him to trust me, so I don't feel like I'm a teenager hounded by my parents! What should I do? — On the Spot Sabrina

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Dear On the Spot Sabrina —

Trust is what makes a relationship work, so without it, it's no wonder you feel like a teenager under the watchful eye of your parents. Have you ever been unfaithful to your husband or has be been unfaithful to you? Since he is so on guard, something tells me he has been let down or cheated on in before which is why he is overly protecting himself. Even though it's a natural reaction, his actions are completely not fair to you since you say you've done nothing to make him second guess you.

If having a heart to heart with him isn't helping, you might want to suggest seeing a couples counselor. A year and a half is a long time to be with someone that doesn't trust you, so it's just a matter of time before his actions destroy the foundation of your relationship. It's clear that your husband needs positive reinforcement so continue to show him how much you love him, but if nothing changes with the help of an outside mediator, you're going to have to ask yourself if this suspicious relationship is going to make you happy for the long haul. I wish you luck.

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