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You Asked: Why Won't He Commit?

You Asked: Why Won't He Commit?

Dear Sugar,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for two years now. He knows that I want to get married, and his answer to me is that he wants me to stay with him forever. But he was in a 16 year marriage where his wife cheated on him, and he is not sure he can commit to marriage again. I'm 47 years old and I feel that after two years of living together, if he's still unsure of me as the person he wants to spend his life with, then maybe it's time I move on.

I do want to marry this man but I'm not willing to wait another two years and then have him tell me the same cop out things about being burned in his last marriage. Please help me to do what is the best for me. I really am confused. How can someone say he wants to spend his life with you but feel that he can not commit to you? Am I playing a fool here? —Being Played Penny

To see Dear Sugar's answer

Dear Being Played Penny,

If you have never been married before, I can understand your desire for that kind of commitment, but you have to understand where your boyfriend is coming from. It sounds as though he wants to be with you, but the word "marriage" is a little daunting for him. Remember Penny, marriage is just a piece of paper and while it's uber important to some people, there are many couples who stay together for their lifetimes without ever walking down the isle.

Only you can tell yourself what's going to be the best decision for you, but I want you to ask yourself what's more important here — the relationship with the man you love or a ring and a marriage certificate. Just because your boyfriend is hesitant to get down on bended knee again, it doesn't necessarily mean he isn't 150 percent committed to you. You don't want to force him into a marriage he isn't ready for so have a heart to heart with him, tell him you are wanting more of a commitment and hopefully you two can come up with a compromise. Follow your instincts and if you feel like you are settling, or if you aren't getting what you need out of this relationship, then you've got your answer. Good luck to you.


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